


Looking From Afar

by kvhottieOldFics (kvhottie)



Category: Prince of Tennis (TV), Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Depression, Family Drama, Fluff and Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 18:12:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 42,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kvhottie/pseuds/kvhottieOldFics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tezuka POV. Tezuka just transferred into Echizen's school in which Echizen is the most popular guy. They get off in the wrong foot and they hate eachother. What will happen as time goes on and their hate turns into something else?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Enemies

People often say, look at the bright side of things. Think of the glass half full not half empty. Well, I would be classified as the person who looks at the glass as being half empty. But seriously- why are you looking at the glass instead of drinking what is in it? And no, I don't consider myself pessimistic; I'm just extremely down to earth. If you aren't realistic with yourself, you'll strive for impossible dreams that will never happen. I'd rather save myself the trouble and pain by not striving for those dreams to begin with. So what does this have to do with the current situation I'm in? Well, I'm just saying that I'm not striving for the dream of immersing well with the crowd staring straight at me. For who would want to immerse into a group of ogling girls and boys who's IQ's seem to barely match a 5th grader's.

"Introduce yourself", says my young and unusually enthusiastic teacher.

"Tezuka Kunimitsu, nice to meet you." I quickly bow and wait for my teacher to assign me a seat.

"Find a seat you like."

I spot a corner seat and calmly make my way to it, sitting down with a sigh. I rub my temples, transferring to this school was more stressful than I thought it would be. I look up and find girls staring at me; they turn their attention back to the teacher with a giggle. I sigh again and look out the window, today is a perfect sunny day. Yet I won't be outside playing soccer with the guys in my class and I won't be having lunch with a cute girl. I personally dislike spending time with other people; I tend to always be by myself-it is just how things end up working out.

The bell rings for lunch time after an annoying long class. I was put on the spotlight more times than I was comfortable with; the teacher enthusiastically calling my name and I, nonchalantly giving him the correct answer. I take my boxed lunch out of my book bag and notice a few girls walking towards me, I sigh mentally.

They crowd around me, the ring leader speaks up, "Hey Tezuka. I'm Ayumi, nice to meet you."

I look up at the extremely pretty brown haired girl, "Hnn."

"What brings you to our school? It's kind of sudden to transfer two weeks into the second year."

I shove my hands into my pockets and stare at the corner of the desk, "Complications."

She smiles, "Hmm I see, well we all have our problems. Would you like eat lunch with us? My friends and I want to know more about you."

I stand up and grab my lunch, "No thank you", and coolly walk out of the classroom. I walk around for a while, trying to find a place to eat my lunch in peace-maybe my permanent hiding place. Seriously, why is the layout of this school so damn complicated? I go upstairs, desperately wishing that the roof door be open. I turn the knob and smile to myself, it is. I walk through the door and close it behind me, breathing in the warm breeze.

"Such a nice day…"

I walk towards the fenced up edges and look down at the guys playing soccer. The game was coming to an end and one team won thanks to the black haired forward. They all cheer for him and he gives them a cocky smile. I become uninterested, sit against the fence, and open my boxed lunch; mother had outdone herself again. I eat some rice and look up at the sky, the clouds are moving so slowly.

"I wonder what club should I join…tennis club?"

I hold my elbow and grit my teeth, remembering memories I do not want to recall. Just as the memories are about to slip in; the roof door opens. I let go my elbow and continue to eat while staring at my food. Through the corner of my eye I see a group of guys from my class walk through the door, many of them had played in the soccer game just now. The black haired kid that had won for one of the teams is here also, he seems to be the leader. He takes out a pack of cigarettes while the other guys crowd on the floor around a pornographic magazine. He lights a cigarette and inhales, blowing out rings of smoke. He shifts his gaze to me, finally noticing my presence.

He chuckles and walks closer, "So the new kid declines Ayumi's invitation in order to come eat lunch on the roof by himself."

I ignore him, continuing to eat my lunch. He squats down, puts his face close to mine, and says "Are you deaf?"

I can see this kid and me won't be getting along. "Can you get your face away from mine? I prefer inhaling air, not smoke."

He laughs and moves away, "So you can speak." He stares at me with his gold brown eyes, "I'm Echizen Ryouma, what's your name again?"

I introduced myself in class; he was probably sleeping… "Tezuka Kunimitsu."

"Hmm, so Tezuka…why did you come to this school so suddenly?"

I pick up my stuff and stand, "Why doesn't anyone mind their own business in this school?"

He glares at me, "Do you know who you're talking to? You should watch your tone."

He is shorter than me, so I find his superiority act quite amusing. I glare at him, "Hmm? Should I care?" I walk off and slam the roof door. I'm usually composed but that cocky kid stepped on a few land mines. I walk to my classroom and sit in my seat, heaving a huge sigh. Why can't people just leave me alone? As if god is torturing me, someone taps my shoulder a second after I think this.

A pretty boy smiles gently at me, "I know that you don't want to be bothered, but the teacher told me to give you this. It's this year's agenda, all students get one."

I nod, "Thank you."

His smile widens, "By the way, my name is Fuji. I sit next to you in class." With that, he leaves the classroom. I smile inwardly, finally someone who doesn't invade personal space. I take out the homework assigned to us from the morning classes and start doing it. I shake my head at how easy the work is and finish right as the bell for class rings. The students rush back into the classroom and the teacher starts a boring lecture. I stare the at teachers shoes instead of listening to her rant on renaissance poetry. I feel slender fingers tapping my shoulder and I look to my right.

Fuji flashes me another one of his perfect smiles and in a low whisper asks me, "What clubs are you planning to join"?

There is something strange about Fuji, what is strange is that I don't get annoyed by him. He has a very pleasant personality and knows when he has to keep his distance. Who knows, maybe he'll me my first friend. I think for a while and whisper back, "…tennis club"

His face lights up, "I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other since I'm part of that club. Well, since I came this year, I've only been a member for two weeks."

I nod, "I guess we will. I forgot to mention before, nice to meet you."

Fuji smiles, he seems happy that I acknowledge his attempts to become my friend. I don't know if this will turn out well, but it doesn't hurt to try. If I get tired of him, I can always just go back to being by myself. I return to staring at the teacher's shoes and try to get something useful out of her rant. It takes me by surprise when I suddenly hear my name.

"Tezuka-kun, give me a poet that made significant impact on renaissance poetry."

"Shakespeare."

She smiles, "But of course, who wouldn't know of Shakespeare? He influenced…" I block her voice and look out the window; I already know all of the things she is teaching. After a painful and countless chunk of time, the end of school bell rings and I pack up my things. Fuji approaches my desk and stands by it, patiently waiting for me to finish packing up. I finish and stand up, we slowly walk out of the school and towards the tennis courts.

Fuji places a loose strand of hair behind his ear, "So how long have you played tennis?"

"Since I was very little, you?"

He smiles, "Same. Are you good?"

I find the question amusing, "I guess."

"Then we should have a match soon, I want to see your skills."

I nod, "We should."

"So what are your other interests?"

I notice Fuji is staying away from questions he thinks will annoying me, I appreciate that. I give a slight smile, "well tennis pretty much takes most of my time, but I also enjoy reading. What about you?"

"I love taking pictures and taking care of my cacti."

I feel my eyebrow raise, "Cacti?"

He laughs, "So you can show emotion. Yeah, I grow small cacti."

"Interesting."

Fuji points ahead, "Well, here we are. Let's go get you registered."

We walk past a few occupied courts and head towards a white shack. Right before we go in I hear my name and I turn around. Its Echizen and his followers, I curse under my breath. I glare at him, "Yes, what do you want?"

"Are you planning to register for this club?"

"Yes"

"Well you can't."

"Why not?"

Echizen smirks, "Because I don't like you."

So he must be the president of the club, I guess I will have to find a way to get him to let me register. "Are you scared that I'll be better than you?" That gains gasps from the crowd, I guess he's president for a reason- he must be good.

Echizen laughs, "So you're challenging me? Are you sure you want to do that?"

I whisper to Fuji, "Can I borrow a racquet?" Fuji hands me one and I return my attention to Echizen.

"So, are we going to play?"

Echizen grins, "You know, you just know how to make someone hate you." He walks towards the closest court and I follow him. He stands his racquet on the ground, and says, "smooth or rough? " I reply, "Smooth." He spins his racquet and it lands with rough, Echizen gets to serve first. I stand by the base line and watch him serve. He throws the ball up, bends his knees, and slightly jumps to hit it. The ball comes towards me and its bounce angles towards me, the twist serve? I dodge it; I wasn't expecting him to hit a serve like that.

Echizen chuckles, "There's a lot to come."

He hits the serve again, I return it, and we have a rally. I hear Fuji, who sat himself in the referee's seat, call 20 love, I win the first point. After continuous rallies and simple shots, I win the first game. Echizen is just testing me, he want to see what kind of moves I have.

Echizen smiles, "Okay, now we can start playing."

He switches his racquet to his left hand and I smirk, so he's a lefty. It's time for me to start getting serious as well. I serve with all my power, I get an ace. I serve again and he returns it. I hit it close to the net on his side, thinking that he won't reach it. He runs to it, slides, and jumps-hitting it to my court. It bounces in form of a B, the point goes to him.

"Drive B."

The game goes to tiebreaker; he uses an uncountable amount of moves that I counter, mostly with my Tezuka zone. I need one more point to win and I know how I'm going to win it. He serves, I return it, and we have a short rally. I hit it to the center of his court and he goes for it, but it rolls towards the net-my Zero Shiki move. I win, and against Echizen, it feels great.

"Game over, Tezuka wins."

Echizen smacks his lips and mumbles under his breath, "You can register, but I will beat you next time."

"Next time? You're planning to play me again?"

He blushes when he notices his mistake and storms off. He's kind of cute when he isn't being annoying. Wait…cute? No, no way. Fuji congratulates me and I give him his racquet back. He helps me register and we walk towards the front gate.

"Where are you going now?"

"My part time job."

"Oh you work? Where?"

"In Kumiko's bookstore by the train station, do you know it?"

Fuji nods, "I've been there a few times. That's a pretty good job, it suits you."

"I've been working there for a while, it's peaceful."

Fuji smiles, "Well I have to go home, see you at school tomorrow." He waves.

I nod and head towards the bookstore. I open the decorated green door and walk inside. My coworker, Oishi, looks up from the book he is reading. He smiles, "hey there Tezuka."

"Is business slow today?"

Oishi nods, "Yeah, but that's good."

"Why?"

"The boss told me we're going to get a new worker today."

I put my work t-shirt over my uniform shirt. "Really? "

Oishi gathers his things, "Since my shift ends when your shift starts, you have to train him. He's working the same shift as you, it's always busier around the time you guys work."

"Hnn."

Oishi puts on his jacket, "I'll see you tomorrow. Good luck."

"Thank you." I start arranging the new arrivals and put some books on display. My boss calls for me so I walk towards his office. I knock and he says enter.

"Tezuka, my best employee—did Oishi tell you?"

I nod, "About the new employee? Yes."

"I hope you treat him well, he's going to be a bit of a handful."

"Why did you hire him then?"

"A favor for an old friend. The kid should be here any minute, just run him through the basics today."

We hear a knock at the door and my boss says enter. My boss smiles, "here is the new employee."

I curse under my breath and glare at the kid in front of me, "Echizen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: Hey, here is another story! This time it's a pair I decided to experiment with the pillar pair, let's see how this goes. I decided to go with a more realistic, down to earth, flavor to this fic so that's why it's in Tezuka POV. And since in the series we never really saw how Tezuka really thinks,it gives me quite a bit of freedom to be creative. Please comment.
> 
> Ps. Ryouma is a bit OOC. Yes it hurts me too, but I just made him a bit more..hmm accepting of his popularity (the cockiness was always there) and a bit more badass. OH and he isn't short anymore. Come on u guys, he HAD to go through puberty and grow taller. And he's the same age as Tezuka. YES YES IM SORRY IM MAKING SO MANY CHANGES..I NEED IT FOR THE PLOT. And I did play around with the original P.O.T plotline—meaning I took some events that happened there and used them here..but changed.


	2. Cracks

Echizen looks around and smirks, "Are you stalking me or something?"

The boss looks at both of us, "You guys know each other?"

I stare at his desk while asking god why he torments me like this. My boss chuckles and stands up, patting me in the back. "I'm sure it will be fine. Ryouma, don't cause Tezuka too much trouble."

Something in Echizen's eyes tell me he is going to do quite the opposite. He leans against the wall and smiles, "Sure…I won't cause him any trouble at all."

The boss laughs again, "It's obvious when you are being sarcastic Ryouma. And here, I ordered a uniform for you. Just wear this shirt over the one you have on during work."

Echizen places his shoulder bag on the floor and puts on the shirt. I laugh inside my head; the shirt fits his thin body a little too big. He notices my amusement and glares, daring me to say something. I sigh and walk towards the door, turn back to look at Echizen "I have little patience so you better learn quickly. If you can't keep up, figure it out by yourself."

I walk to the register and Echizen follows closely behind. I wait until he is besides me to start talking. I take the box of new arrivals and put it in front of him, "these are new arrivals; every time we get boxes like these it's our job to put them in their correct place. You do know how things are sorted in a book store, right?"

Echizen gives a bratty smile, "No, why would I?"

"I thought it was normal for everyone to go to a bookstore at least once in their lives."

He shrugs, "so I don't read, what's the big deal?"

I sigh, "Genre, books are first assorted into their genre and then alphabetically by author within that genre."

"Oh, that makes sense."

It strikes me that Echizen is only acting like he's clueless, but I hide my irritation and continue to explain. "You can find the genre of the book here, and the authors name is on the front cover."

Echizen nods, "Okay."

He looks like he didn't listen to a word I said, I sigh and hand him the box, "Since you are new, have fun with that. You can learn how to work the register later, when you actually want to pay attention."

Echizen smirks, "Sure BOSS."

I hold back the urge to punch the kid and turn my attention to arriving customers. I politely ask all of them if they have what they were looking for, then if they have a Kumiko member card, and I finally charge them. Having a job is like acting; every line is rehearsed, no wonder it gets old so quickly. I sit on a chair near the register after charging the last visible costumer. Echizen comes back with and empty box and before he even asks his question, I point him towards the paper recycling.

After putting the box in the recycling, he walks towards me, "What next?"

I point to two more boxes and hope he gets the hint; I was growing tired of talking. He walks over to the boxes and picks them up, surprising me a bit. One, I didn't know his small frame could carry those heavy boxes and two; he didn't give me a snarky comment. I watch Echizen to pass time but snap out of it when I hear someone clearing their throat. It was a man in front of a huge line of customers, waiting to buy their books. I get off the chair and go to the register.

I sit down again with a huge sigh, it was finally closing time. The evening went by smoother than I expected-Echizen is strangely obedient when he isn't with his posse. Echizen finishes mopping the floor and putting chairs on top of the tables. He returns the mop to the storage closet and leans on the register counter. He stares at me with big hazel eyes, "Is there anything else I need to do?"

I stand up and grab the clipboard on the corner of the counter, "No, you can leave."

"And what are you going to do?"

I answer while walking away, "Inventory."

"Oh, then I can help."

I sigh and look into his eyes, "You can cut the act; both you and I know that we can't stand each other."

Echizen smiles sinisterly, "Well that's certainly true, but I promised the boss I'd behave well, so you'll have to deal with it."

"The boss isn't here right now and that stupid grin might become permanent if you keep it up."

"It's worth it if it ticks you off."

"Do what you like." I am sure of it, Echizen and I will never get along. I head to the room where our inventory is kept and start working. I look at my watch and sigh, this will take a while. After thirty minutes pass and my work still seems never ending, my mind fills with regret. I should have let Echizen help, we would have half of it done by now.

I shake my head to push the thought out, "too late now."

"Too late for what?"

I jump internally but keep myself collected outwardly. I turn to see Echizen leaning against the wall, when did he get there? He laughs and walks towards me, "Even through that stoic face I can see an idiot expression of confusion. You were so out of it that you didn't notice when I came inside."

I continue to count the inventory while ignoring him; I didn't want to make it obvious that I regretted refusing his help earlier. He puts out his hand and I look at him, "Yes?"

"Give me half of it."

"Why?"

"Because you obviously need the help or do you plan to miss the last train?"

I give up and hand him half the inventory sheets, "You know how to do it?"

He smirks, "Duh- did it at my previous job."

I continue to do my part, discreetly watching Echizen from the corner of my eye from time to time. I'm surprised he offered to help me; he seems like the type to be amused by my restless work. After another while, we both finish the inventory sheets. He hands them to me and smirks, as if waiting for me to express my gratitude.

I grit my teeth, "Are you waiting for me to bow down to you or something?"

He laughs, "Something like that."

I sigh but swallow my pride, "Thank you…that's all you get."

He smiles, "That's good enough."

I turn off the lights and walk towards the register counter, Echizen walking behind me. I remember that I have to grab a few books from the inventory to put on the shelves. I turn around and head towards the inventory room.

Echizen smiles as I walk towards him, "If you aren't careful, you'll sl-

It's funny how things look slower when one is falling, yet it all happens so quickly. I was walking too fast and as if on tune with Echizen's warning, I slip. By my surprise Echizen tries to catch me, but because of his small body, he ends up falling with me. And this is how I ended up laid out in the floor with Echizen sitting on top of me.

I rub the back of my head; it had hit the floor pretty hard, "How lame." I look up at Echizen who was rubbing his arm; did he stress it while trying to catch me? I look at his eyes…the streaks of hidden gold glisten in the dim light of the bookstore.

He looks down at me, "You would slip, how unclassy."

Even behind that demeaning smirk I can see a slight shade of red on his cheeks, why? I put on my most annoyed face, "How long are you planning to sit on me?"

He laughs but the red is still there, "Does it bother you?" He leans in towards my face, "Does it make you feel uncomfortable?"

"Yes, you are heavy and I have a train to catch. Now, get off me." The part about him being heavy was a lie of course…he was unbelievably light.

"Nope."

I lay back down on the floor, I wasn't about to let this kid make me lose my temper, he'll get bored eventually. "You know nothing about personal space, do you?"

He leans forward, using his elbows to hold him up a few inches away from my face, "Yes I know a bit about personal space…when there is a lack of it." He smiles, waiting for me to get angry.

I sigh and look into his eyes, "If you swing that way, okay- but don't take me as that type."

"Che' you are no fun, so damn stoic." He stands up and smiles, "but at least now I know I'm safe, since none of us swing that way."

I stand up and take off my uniform, "Great, I'm happy to know I'm not a threat."

He puts on his shoulder bag, "So sarcastic."

"Hm? Are you talking about yourself?" This isn't like me, I'm never so short tempered and snarky…but this kid just brings me to the edge. Even if he calls me stoic, my façade has been slightly cracked by all the anger he evokes in me. Why do I have to deal with such an aggravating person?

He laughs and walks to the door, looking back after he opens it, "It was fun to bother you all day; I'll see you tomorrow." He leaves with a sadistic smirk, leaving me to pity myself.

I slide to the floor, sighing endlessly, "… and life was so peaceful before this."

I clean my glasses while squinting at the time, only a few more minutes until the bell rings. I put my glasses back on and try to grasp the last bit of another rant from a teacher. Is ranting what teachers call teaching now and days? I stare at the clock and right on time, the bell rings. Fuji stands by my table again, waiting for me to get my boxed lunch from my book bag.

He chuckles, "If you keep watching the clock Tezuka, the teacher will notice."

"I already know what he's teaching; I have no other way to pass time."

Fuji smiles, "It would seem so. Do you want to eat lunch together?"

I nod, "I like eating in the roof."

"The roof? Hmm I guess it suits you. It's a quiet, desolate, peaceful environment."

We head towards the roof and I beg god that Echizen and his gang don't go today…or ever. I open the door and look around, relieved to see no one. I walk towards the corner edge of the gated roof and sit down. Fuji sits down next to me and opens his boxed lunch.

He smiles, "We have nice mothers, don't we?"

I can't help but slightly smile at that, "Yeah, we do." In both his lunch and mine, it is obvious that our mothers dedicated themselves to the meal, given the variety and delicious appearance.

He eats one of his eggs while I eat one of my octopus shaped sausages, I'd never felt so at peace with another person. It's like Fuji blends into the peaceful scenery, unlike everyone else who disrupts it…especially him. On cue, the roof door bangs open. Echizen and his posse walk through as if they own the place. And again, like yesterday, his posse finds something to enjoy themselves with while their leader smokes. The worst thing is, what first pops into my mind is how weird Echizen looks smoking, as if it doesn't fit his pretty face.

Echizen looks our way, smirking, "So you're friends with Fuji, Tezuka?"

I just glare at him, as if to tell him the answer to his question is quite obvious. He laughs at my silence and walks towards us, "Is he one of your targets, eh Fuji?"

Fuji gives him a closed eyed grin, it makes chills run up my spine, "And what if he is? Jealous?"

Echizen smirks, "No, just surprised and concerned. After all, I don't want little Fuji-kun to be heartbroken since yesterday he told me he doesn't swing that way." He shrugs, "well I guess you have a chance since they say birds of a feather flock together."


	3. Changes

Fuji laughs mockingly; seriously, this side of the usually sweet Fuji gives me goose bumps. He stands and walks closer to Echizen, crossing his arms. "So Echizen, since you claim that birds of a feather flock together, shouldn't you be my best friend?"

To my surprise, Echizen's face turns serious, "Oh? Bringing back old memories Fuji?"

Fuji smiles, "Well of course, since you're playing dirty why shouldn't I? Those are some great memories, aren't they Echizen?"

Echizen smirks, "No, not at all. But just to clear something up, who they thought I was back then is not who I am now."

Fuji laughs, "Oh really? I think you are forcing yourself too much."

"Forcing myself? What are you insinuating Fuji?"

He shrugs, "Oh nothing, just be aware that I can read you like a book."

Echizen glares at him, "Hnn, I'll keep that in mind. Well, I see my business here is done. Bye Fuji. Bye Tezuka, see you at the bookstore." He blows out one last ring and throws the cigarette on the floor, crushing it with his foot. He walks off the roof, his posse following him like dogs.

I sit there, feeling extremely confused and look at Fuji. He sits back down and gives me a sweet, apologetic smile. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

I shake my head, "Its fine."

He nibbles on his egg, "Don't you want to know what that was all about?"

I swallow my rice, "Only if you're comfortable telling me."

Fuji sips his juice and then leans back on his hands, staring up at the sky. I look at him and give him my full attention. "Well, Echizen and I have been together since junior high school so we know a lot more about each other than we'd like to. What he said right now, about you being my target, is because he knows I'm gay."

I'll admit that took me by surprise and by Fuji's laugh, it was obvious it did. I compose myself and look at Fuji, "So am I your target?"

Fuji smiles, "You have nothing to worry about, Echizen said those things without any background information. I'm going out with Saeki, a childhood friend of mine."

I nod, "Oh, I see."

Fuji looks down at his food, "So does it bother you?"

"You being gay?"

He nods and I shake my head, "Just as long as you don't make any passes, I don't mind."

Fuji laughs, "I won't." He gives me a bright smile, "Your simplicity is definitely your best quality; it's what drove me to befriend you."

"I usually disregard a person's attempt to befriend me."

Fuji tilts his head, "What made me different?"

I put my empty lunch box to the side, "Your ability to understand me. I guess you have a skill at reading people because you know just when to give me space and what to avoid saying."

Fuji smirks, "Although you may not think so, you are as easy to read as Echizen. Both of you are like open books."

Being compared to THAT person and finding out that my façade isn't as strong as I thought it was, affected me quite a bit. After the comment, I sit in silence while finishing my bottled water. Fuji finishes his lunch and looks at me, chuckling; "Tezuka, you don't have to stress over it so much. The only reason I understand you so well is because I am very aware of other people. No one else can get through your stoic face, I promise."

I sigh, "Yeah…"

"I have a question."

"Hn?"

"What did Echizen mean when he said 'see you at the bookstore'?"

"Oh, he is working there as of yesterday."

Fuji gives me eyes full of pity, "I feel so bad for you."

"It's not too bad; he's a lot more obedient and well mannered when he's by himself."

Fuji's eyes widen, "Really? That's unexpected. Well, good luck anyhow."

I nod, "Thanks…I'll need it."

-1 week later-

"Neh Tezuka, when can I charge customers? You've already taught me everything else."

I sigh and continue restacking the fiction shelves, "When you learn to be more patient."

He smirks, "And you didn't think it took patience to listen to your sermons while doing petty work?"

It's been a week since he started working here and I still find him extremely aggravating. Though, I will admit that we've gotten used to each other and work is a bit more…interesting than it was before. I hand him the box on the floor, "And that is exactly why you'll be doing this forever. Finish restacking these shelves."

Echizen laughs, "You get mad so easily."

I usually don't. Only Echizen makes me this aggravated; it's so easy for him to get under my skin. I go to the register to charge a patient costumer and then thank him as he leaves. The bookstore is unusually empty today, it must be the rain. I sit on the chair by the register and watch Echizen restack the fiction shelve. It is so easy for him now, since I've been having him do this kind of work for the whole week. I don't know why I haven't taught him how to work the register, maybe it's my way of getting back at him. But getting back for what, for so easily breaking my façade and destroying my composure?

I snap out of my thoughts to see Echizen staring at me with a wide smirk across his face. He walks towards me with the empty box, "You were staring so hard I thought you were going to burn a hole in me."

"Recycling."

Echizen sighs, obviously disappointed at my reaction, "I know, I know." He turns around and puts the box in the recycling. He then walks to the staff room and brings back two cokes, offering me one. Surprising right? Well, he's grown considerably nicer the more we've gotten to know each other. He still hasn't dropped his attitude though. I guess I've changed as well since I don't push him off as fiercely as I did before. I take the coke from his hand and open it, taking a gulp.

"Thanks."

Echizen laughs and grabs a chair, pulling it to the register counter, "Oh, aren't you nice."

"No, I'm just not rude like you."

He smiles and takes a sip of his coke, "I guess you're right."

I lean back on my chair and sigh while looking at the rain outside. Echizen laughs and shakes his head while looking at me, "There hasn't been a day I haven't heard you sigh."

"And?"

He shrugs, "Nothing, it just sound like you are stressed all the time."

"I'm not, it's just a habit."

His eyebrow arches, "Habit? That's one depressing habit, you're too serious." He forces a smile on my face and laughs, "You see, you should smile more often."

I swap his hands away, "No thank you."

He laughs while looking playfully at me with his golden eyes, "Well I tried. At least you've melted a bit, Mr. Iceberg."

"And you've grown all the more annoying."

He laughs, "Oh that broke my heart. But I wonder why I annoy you so much? Why is it so easy for me to change that perfect stoic face of yours?"

I twitch but I throw the question back at him, "Well I have a question for you as well. Why are you so obedient and kind when you are away from your posse? I wonder which one is the fake."

The grip on his coke tightens and I notice I stepped on a land mine. He calms himself down and finishes his coke in silence. He looks up at me with eyes filled with an emotion I hadn't seen before, "Why are you asking if Fuji already told you?"

I look at him with total confusion, "Fuji didn't tell me anything aside from the fact that he is gay."

He looks relieved, "Oh, I see."

I finish my coke and stand up, "Don't worry, I don't need to know."

He grabs my arm with his thin hand; his strength almost nonexistent. "Wait…sit." I nod and sit down, setting my empty coke can on the counter between us.

He plays with his can and gives a pitiful laugh, "I don't even know why I'm telling this to you of all people, but I guess it probably because I'm tired of it bottling up in my chest. And also because I know you won't care much for this story, so you won't treat me differently because of it." He looks up and smiles, "Right, Mr. Iceberg?"

A million things flew through my mind at this moment but I could only pick out the few thoughts that stood out. I've never noticed how amazing Echizen looks when he smiles, maybe it's because this smile is actually genuine? Have I ignored his great looks because I always focus on how much he irked me? His playful and carefree nature, although annoying, is charming. But his serious side has charms too, as if the aura around him suddenly changed- it draws you in. I nod and look at him as he continues to talk.

Echizen looks back at the can in his hands, "Well, the 'great memories' Fuji referred to in our argument are the memories we made during junior high school. Those memories…are everything but great. The truth is Fuji and I were best friends but then something happened our third year. Some kids in our class confronted him during a lunch break because they saw him kiss a boy in the park. Fuji, being the brave guy he is, didn't deny it, thus admitting he was gay. At the time, I had no idea Fuji swung that way so it took me by surprise. They made fun of Fuji but it didn't affect him, Fuji is the type of guy that doesn't ever feel ashamed. I on the other hand, couldn't take it when they started asking me if I was gay just like Fuji. They grabbed my face and played with my hair, saying that I must be gay since I looked so much like a girl. It would have been great if that ended that day, but it continued on till our graduation. During that time Fuji and my friendship diminished and I became extremely anti-social. When my first year of high school came along, I decided to reinvent myself since I knew the only kid from my previous school in this high school would be Fuji."

I can honestly say I had the largest urge to hug Echizen right this moment, but of course I wouldn't let myself do that. I clear my throat and try to get together what I wanted to say, "So, you reinvented yourself and became popular enough to get a new girl every week and your own posse? All for what?"

He looks puzzled, "I don't know…to prove myself?"

"To who, yourself? And prove what? That you're not gay?"

Echizen eyes widen and he laughs, "…it just took you a few words to make me question my actions these past two years." He looks at me, "But you're right, why would I need to prove myself when I already know who I am? And I guess the trauma of those days blinded me. Oh well, not that I mind giving up this constant dating of girls- it was getting old."

I couldn't help but laugh, this kid bounces back quickly. Echizen looks surprised at me and then gives me a gentle smile, "You have a great laugh Mr. Iceberg."

I look down at the counter and mumble a quiet thank you. After I finally compose myself I look up, "How did you get your posse together anyhow?"

Echizen laughs, "They follow my around just because I have good porn magazines. They are fun to talk to sometimes, but I wouldn't really call them my friends."

"I see, and do you smoke to make yourself look manlier?"

He slightly blushes, embarrassed that I read his actions so easily, "Yeah, I guess."

I sigh, "You should stop smoking, its bad for your health."

He laughs, "Yes mother, I will. Since I picked it up recently, I haven't become addicted yet."

I nod and stand up, "That's good."

I hear Echizen mumble, "Thanks Tezuka". Surprised, I turn around and look at him. He smiles, "For listening."

I nod again, "Back to work, we've sat around for quite a while."

"Yes, yes, so sorry to delay you."

Echizen leans on the counter, "So what do you want me to do now?"

I kneel behind the counter to look for a key, "Inventory." I don't hear a response and I just continue looking for the key.

Echizen talks all of a sudden, as if it was a decision he did after pondering for a while, "Tezuka?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you free tomorrow night?"

"Yes…why?"

"It may sound weird, but I just want to make sure of something. Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Go on a date with me?"


	4. Our Façade

Who would have known the surprise would be so big I'd try to stand up and hit my head extremely hard against the counter. Great, talk about being lame. I stand up while rubbing my head and look at Echizen as if he was delusional.

"Repeat that?"

After a few moments and a change in his eyes, he laughs, "Did you like how I said that? Cute, right? Man, I can be a great actor."

I keep rubbing my head, "Yeah, sure" I was tired of letting his foolishness get me frustrated. I bend down again and look for the key, finally finding it. I take what were now two clipboards and head to the inventory room.

Echizen smiles, "No need to get mad Tezuka, I was just joking."

I open the door, "When don't you?" Why am I so angered? Is it because I was deceived by him again…or because I'm disappointed? Wait, why would I be disappointed?

He laughs, "Come on, let me help."

I pass him his clipboard, "Can you just keep quiet for the remainder of the night? I'm getting a headache."

He nods, "Yes, yes boss."

We count and check items for a while, in a silence that hasn't been heard since Echizen's arrival. I glance over at him, admiring the rare serious look on his face. I continue my work, feeling oddly at peace. Silence is the best after all. After a quiet and tedious hour, we finish checking the inventory. I am grateful that Echizen listened to me because my headache is now gone. After turning off the light and closing the door, we head back towards the staff room.

Echizen takes off his work shirt, "So Tezuka…"

"Yeah"

He gives me smirk, "We should hang out tomorrow shouldn't we?"

I hang my work shirt, "No, we shouldn't"

He laughs and puts on his shoulder bag, "Come on, you said you don't have anything to do."

I close my locker and look at him, "Are you that desperate to have plans on a Friday night?"

Echizen laughs, "Pretty much, but still, I wouldn't ask someone I didn't like spending time with."

I won't lie; that line made my heart skip a bit…so cliché. I would seriously love to know what has been happening to me recently, maybe I'll schedule a doctor's appointment. "No."

He runs his hand through his silky black green hair, "You are so difficult."

I take my bag, "Sorry to be difficult."

Echizen looks up at me, "What do you have to lose? I won't be purposely annoying, I promise."

I sigh in defeat, "Fine."

He smiles, "So that's all you were afraid of? Me being annoying?"

"Yeah."

He laughs, "Geez, how cruel."

I lean against the locker, "So how are you planning to entertain me?"

Echizen shrugs, "Who knows, I'll think up something tonight." He takes out his cell phone, "Can I have your number?"

"90-2164-5583"

"My number is 90-3056-9991, I'll text you. Are you allergic to anything?"

I enter that in my phone "No."

"Anything you are picky about? Or hate?"

I had to think about this one, what angered me the most when I went out with people? "Noise."

Echizen smirks, "So a quiet place? That doesn't seem too hard to find."

"Hn." I was trying desperately to stay in my character, this unusual friendliness was unsettling.

He smiles, "No need to be so stiff Tezuka. Well I'll text you later, bye." He walks out of the staff room and leaves me behind with my thoughts, like always.

I wait for the numbness that our conversation invoked in me to leave my body. Yes, I am numb because friendliness on my part, even to this extent, is a foreign feeling. It isn't the same as when I'm friendly with Fuji. With Fuji, it's almost as if his character pulls these foreign feelings out of me. As if he's a vacuum, sucking the cold out of my ice composure. But with Echizen, the feelings flow out like burning water through a faucet. He makes the ice melt…rapidly. I don't exactly mind these feelings but I admit I am afraid of something breaking. Weather it may be my stoic mask or the only ties I have to people other than my family. But, I'll watch how things play out. For now I'll indulge in these oddly warm feelings.

In this thoughtful daze I arrived home and in this same daze I stayed throughout the whole school day. It happens even to the best of us. I sensed that Fuji noticed something was off but he didn't question me. I was glad because even if he did ask, I wouldn't have an answer for him.

"Going to work?"

I shake my head, "No, the bookstore closes early on Fridays so I don't need to do my shift."

Fuji smiles, "Oh that's convenient, do you have any plans?"

"Yeah…I'm going to hang out with Echizen later."

Fuji's eyes widen, "Ne, you're kidding right?"

"He convinced me into accepting, he's not a bad person."

Fuji laughs, "Oh, I know he's not a bad person. I'm just surprised you accepted. I thought you hated him…but recently it seems like you guys have gotten closer."

"I guess. Do you have any plans?"

Fuji smiles, "Yeah, a date with Saeki."

"I see."

"Well, we're going separate ways." He laughs, "have fun with Echizen, see you tomorrow."

I nod, "Thanks, bye." I watch Fuji walk away and sigh, leaning against our school gates. I take out my cell phone and look for the text Echizen sent me last night.

"I'll see you in front of the bookstore at six; we will walk to the restaurant."

I shake my head, "I should have stayed in my uniform." I look down at my dark jeans, white shirt, and blue cardigan. Yes, I look too put together to just be hanging out with a friend. Last night I had tried to convince myself into not bringing a change of clothes but my morals didn't allow it. I was not about to go eat at a restaurant with my school uniform, no way.

I look at my watch, "Hm its five." I look around for things to kill time with. The bookstore is out of the question. I see a sports equipment store and walk towards it; I was in need of grip tape. I enter and walk towards the tennis aisle. I find the grip tape section and look for blue grip tape. After examining it, I decide to buy it and walk towards the cash register.

I bump into someone, "Pardon me." I look to see who it is but his voice gives him away.

Echizen smirks, "I guess neither of us can stop thinking about tennis."

"Yeah."

He looks at my school bag, "So you didn't go home?"

I pay for the grip tape, "No."

"So the reason you are here is to kill time and buy grip tape?"

I nod, "and you?"

"Just looking at the racquets."

I look at his clothes, Echizen sure has good style. The shirt, light jeans, and converse he was wearing looked good on him. "Is your home close by?"

"Yeah. Well, even though it's earlier than we planned, want to eat?"

"Sure."

We walk out of the store and cross the street, taking a right at the corner. After walking for a few blocks, we stop at a restaurant and head inside. The restaurant is quiet and only a few tables are filled. It is dimly lit and has a comfortable feel to it, I like it. The waitress sits us at a small table in the back

Echizen smirks, "So how do you like the restaurant?"

"Right on the mark, it's perfect."

He smiles, "I'm happy you like it. But trust me; you'll love it once you taste the food."

I look at the menu, "I bet."

The waitress stands by our table, "What can I bring you?"

Echizen looks at her, "Can I have the fried fish with wild rice and an iced green tea?"

She nods and turns to me, "You sir?"

"I'll have the grilled eel with rice and a lemonade."

"I'll be back with your orders shortly."

Echizen looks at me, "Grilled eel? A favorite?"

"Yeah, is fried fish your favorite?"

He smiles, "Yeah, it became a usual after my first time here."

"You eat here often?" I don't know if it's the environment or Echizen himself, but I am being unusually talkative…

"Yes, like once a week. I've practically tasted their whole menu. The grilled eel is very good."

"Oh, good to hear."

Echizen leans back against his chair and looks at me, "So Tezuka, what's your favorite color?"

"Why? That is such a random question."

He shrugs, "Well, one, silence is awkward and two, its just to get to know you better."

I decide to go along with it; I wouldn't mind getting to know Echizen better either. "Blue and green, you?"

"Silver."

"That's unusual. Hm, what's your favorite subject?"

He sighs, "You would ask about school. Um…english. You?"

"I don't really have one."

Echizen laughs, "how boring."

The waitress arrives with our food and drinks. She places it in front of each of us and excuses herself. I taste the grilled eel, Echizen was right- it was really good.

"By the look on your face I see that you like it."

"Yeah, it's delicious."

He drinks some of his iced green tea, "So, what hobbies do you have?"

"Aside from tennis and reading, I often go mountain climbing and fishing with my grandfather."

He smiles, his smile is getting more enchanting with each passing second, "Wow, you sure are active."

"What about you?"

"…I'd rather not say."

I raise my eyebrow, "suspicious…you have to, I answered to you."

His cheeks turn bright red, "it's more like a habit than a hobby…I like trying new hot spring bath salts every now and then."

I laugh, for what seemed to be the first time since I last saw my grandfather, "Are you serious?"

He sulks and at this moment all I can think about is how cute he's being. Trust me; even the most serious guys have a soft spot for cute things. "This is why I didn't want to tell you."

I shake my head, composing myself, "It just took me off gaud; it sounds like a fun hobby."

He runs his hand through his hair and smiles at me, "but I'm surprised."

I put my empty plate aside, "by what?"

Echizen's eyes shine, "your laugh. I think it's the first time I've heard it."

I sigh, "I'm still human you know."

He laughs, "I guess you are. But still, it's nice seeing this side of you."

I finish my lemonade at loss for words. Echizen's words always make me unstable, either mad, annoyed or just the opposite…happy.

He interrupts the silence when the check arrives, "We're paying half and half?"

I look at the check and calculate half, "yeah, here." I hand him the money and he leaves it on the table along with his half.

We walk out of the restaurant and I look at my watch, "Wow, its seven thirty."

Echizen smiles, "we sure talked a lot didn't we? Which way are you going?"

We cross the street, "to the train station. You?"

"The same way, my house is a little before the train station."

"Oh, so you live really close to the bookstore and school, that's convenient."

He smiles, "I guess, my street is kind of lonely though, you see?"

I look around, "Yeah, it is."

He takes his keys out of his pocket, "Well, thanks for joining me."

"It was fun."

Echizen looks at me, the street light highlighting his golden brown eyes, "I'm glad."

I can tell you now, the last thing I am doing is being myself. I don't know what I am thinking as I get closer to Echizen's face, much less what I desire. I am sure he is going to back away, disgusted, but he doesn't. He closes his eyes as if allowing me to kiss him. I stop from surprise, inches away from his delicate face. Because of my idiotically long pause, he opens his eyes again, blushing intensely.

He forces a pitiful laugh, "I-I don't even know what I'm doing." He turns around and fumbles with his door knob, "see you Monday."

"Echizen…"

He turns around and I put my hand behind his head, bringing his lips to mine. At this moment it doesn't matter how much my façade has broken or how much I might regret this after. What matters is that I claimed the snow buried desire I had for so long, his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw the ending of this ch was inspired by a Katekyo Hitman Reborn doujinshi, if any recognizes it.


	5. Doubt

I feel Echizen melt, he shoulders drop and his body loosens. I feel him clutch the side of my shirt as he presses his lips against mine. After a while, we separate and I look at him. He looks down at the floor and leans against his door.

He laughs and looks up, "I knew it…" I stand silently; the expression on his face wasn't one of joy but of pain. He looks into my eyes briefly and then at the floor again, "I can't believe I didn't realize it earlier…I like you."

I feel my heart beat accelerate, faster than it was while we were kissing. I want to tell him that maybe…no not maybe, I'm pretty sure that I like him as well. But my throat feels tight and I just stand there like an idiot, my hands in a fist, while staring at him. I never knew expressing your feelings towards someone was this difficult, the stupid soap operas and movies made it seem so easy.

He looks up once again and gives me a fake smile, "Did you notice? If you did…you don't have to pity me you know." He opens his door, "It was easier when we hated each other, let's just go back to that" and slams it behind him.

I stare at the door and sigh, running my hand through my hair. Why are people so difficult to deal with? I can't understand him, first he says he likes me and then he says let's just go back to how things were! I wish he could stop being so indecisive…it's a burden. But, I don't know what I want either. It was desire that made me kiss him, I think. And I'm pretty sure I like him, but then do I want to do something about that? Just like him, do I just want to ignore this fact? I'm not sure if it's even possible to ignore what effects he has on me. He has the ability to make my defense crumble and my rationality fail. Is that the toll you pay when you like someone? Then I see why he is scared to walk into the trap, it's a one way ticket to some unknown world. I'm not sure that I want to let someone make me weak because for long, my defense is what my pride has clung to. Does this mean if I allow myself to like him, I'm doing away with my pride as well?

I walk towards the train station, shaking my head, "Tezuka, you are reading too far into this." I stare forwards but continue in my thoughtful daze. I'm reading so far into this because I'm a serious person, I take everything I do seriously. Yes, normally teenagers my age take relationships lightly and just mess around for the pleasure. I can't tolerate that, that's why I would be single even if I did put some effort into dating girls. Of course it's not like I would act like we are about to get married, but if I go out with you, it's because you are special. I hate spending time with people, so if I spend time with you, it's because you are different from all those other people. This is what people my age are lacking, the sincerity in the word 'like'. They say 'I like you' but they really mean 'I'll like you for your body' or 'I'll like you for at most a week'. If I say 'I like you' it truly means that I'm attached to you, for your personality and your body. So maybe that's why it's harder for me to say those words than other people, because I lose my independence with each true relationship I make. But I'll be fine, since I don't have many relationships that I treasure, I can keep myself together in one piece.

I walk into the train and sit on a seat; I seriously can't believe I thought about that for so long. I take out my IPod and search through my artists. I decide on Uverworld since I was sure they would keep my mind busy till I got home. I open my front door, take off my shoes, and greet my grandfather on the way to my room. I close the door behind me and lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling.

"What should I do?" I ask to the empty, plain white room. I'll admit I've notice; I'm too serious for my age. I can't help it; it's a trait that I've picked up from my grandfather since I was young. All this trait has really brought me is years of solitude because it is the main reason why I can't and don't like to be friends with people. But in the future I guess it will help me at work and I know the friends I make from now on are true, since only true friends can deal with my personality.

I sigh, "So does that mean he actually likes me, since he can deal with my flaw?" Ugh, this strange feeling is such a burden.

* * *

 

I feel warm sun rays through my eye lids, it must be coming from my window. Wait, sun? I immediately sit up and look at my clock, sighing in relief. It was only seven in the morning, the usual time I wake up. Thank you god for my biological clock. I get out of bed and get my towel out of my closet. I was still in last night's clothing because I had fallen asleep while thinking about Echizen.

"How stupid of me." I walk to my bathroom, shower, and brush my teeth. After putting on my uniform, I comb my hair. I take out yesterday's uniform and the grip tape from my book bag and walk downstairs to the dining room.

"Good morning mother."

My mother smiles, she isn't from the serious side of the family, "Good morning honey."

I sit down in my seat and start eating breakfast, "where are father and grandfather?"

"They are in the garden fixing a problem we have with one of the trees."

"Oh."

She sips her coffee, "So Kunimitsu, how's your girlfriend?"

As I said before, not even close to the serious side of the family. "I don't have one."

She sighs, "Oh come on; my handsome son still doesn't have a girlfriend? Did you at least make a friend yet?"

"Yeah."

Her eyes widen, "How unexpected, what's his name?"

"Fuji Shuusuke."

She smiles happily, "bring him over soon! I want to meet him."

I drink my remaining orange juice, "You guys will get along well."

"Really? That's great."

I stand up and bring my dishes to the sink, washing them and putting them in their place. I pick up my bag and put on my shoes. After saying good bye to my mother, I walk to the train station and get on the train, listening to the usual Uverworld playlist. I still haven't decided how I am going to act when I see Echizen and I'm not planning to. I walk towards the school and see Fuji near the gate. He smiles and waits for me to catch up.

"Good morning Tezuka."

"Good morning."

He laughs, "So..?"

"My mom wants to meet you, when can you come over to my house?" I knew what he wanted to hear and obviously was avoiding the topic.

"Oh, nice- um anytime you are free. But really, how was the date?"

I flinch, "It wasn't a date; we were just hanging out. It was fine, we didn't kill each other."

Fuji eyes me suspiciously, "Hmm, only that? I see."

We walk towards our classroom, "what more did you expect?"

He smirks, "Oh, nothing."

I sit in my desk, we still had a few minutes till class started, "How was your date?"

He blushes while laughing, "The usual, pretty fun." I wonder what Fuji's definition of fun is…

The teacher clears her voice, "Class has started." I look at Echizen's back, he looks stiff. I sigh and pay attention to the teacher; this is going to be a long day.

* * *

 

Talk about obvious avoidance, I sigh as Fuji and I walk towards our tennis lockers. Echizen had avoided me the whole day, he quickly got out of class when lunch started, didn't come up to the roof, and again disappeared after school. He didn't even come to tennis practice, and he calls himself the captain. I take off my tennis clothes and put on my uniform.

Fuji laughs, "Your face looks pained Tezuka."

I tried to relax my face, "I was just thinking about something that made me angry."

Fuji leans in to my ear, "Echizen?"

I sigh, "Can you read my mind? It's scary how correct you always are."

Fuji smirks and leans on his locker, "So something more than the expected happened, hm?"

Tezuka glares at Fuji, "But I bet you had expected the unexpected."

Fuji shrugs, "Yeah, pretty much. I CAN read both of you like a book, so…"

"I kissed him."

Fuji chokes, "what?"

I put on my school bag, "Do I have to repeat myself?"

Fuji pats me on the back, smiling, "I never knew you had it in you to make the first move, good job."

I run my hand through my hair, "It ended horribly, he said he liked me but just wanted to be what we were before."

Fuji raises an eyebrow, "He rather that you guys hate each other?"

"Correct."

"That makes no sense, after all if you told him that you like him as well then there shouldn't be a problem."

"I didn't."

He sighs, "You didn't tell him you like him?"

"No…I couldn't. First, he assumed that I kissed him out of pity and I couldn't muster the will to tell him I like him."

Fuji smiles, "Wow, this is complicated."

"Fuji, for you to smile like that at my pain, I'm starting to think you are a sadist."

Fuji laughs, "Just a bit. Well, what you have to do to clear this all up is tell him you like him."

"I will, if he lets me. He keeps avoiding me."

"There is work today, just corner him."

I sigh, "I don't want to force myself on him."

Fuji smirks, "Just do it, trust me, it's what both of you want."

"Fine, I will. I have to go to work, I'll see you monday."

"See ya, and good luck. I'm expecting a detailed story monday, for my help."

I shake my head, "You sure are expensive. Sure, bye."

I walk out of the school and towards the bookstore while thinking how I was going to corner him. Will he even go to work today? I am sure he'll find some way to avoid me at work as well. I enter the bookstore and find it strange that Oishi wasn't there. Was Echizen already here? After all, Oishi only leaves if someone from the next shift appears. I go to the staff room to put on my work shirt and walk back out, hearing voices come from my boss's office. I hear Echizen's voice and walk closer to the office, wondering what they were talking about.

I hear my boss say, "You are learning more from working with Tezuka than you would with any other employee of mine. You can't change shifts and that's final. Now go work."

I stay where I am and glare at Echizen as he walks out of the office, hurt that he wanted to change shifts to avoid me. He jumps when he sees me there but composes himself and gives me a scornful look.

"I didn't know you were the type to listen in on people's conversations."

"I didn't know you could go this far to avoid me."

He laughs, "It doesn't matter does it? After all, you shouldn't care."

Now is my chance to tell him that I do care, I do like him! "You are right, I don't." I'm stupid; I am only hurting him and myself more.

He looks at the floor, "I thought so…"

I turn my back to him, "There is a box of new arrivals to stack and the manga section needs reshelving. You can do that."

He nods, "Yeah, sure."

I felt horrible, never in my life had I felt so much guilt like I did now. Why did it cost me so much to be truthful to him, and myself? Why is it so hard for me to express what I feel? I sigh and walk behind the cash register to wait until customers arrive. Many come and go after buying the things they needed. It was a busy day but I wasn't happy. Echizen and I both did our own thing, without talking to one another. The tension was almost palpable and I was suffocating in it. It was getting dark and the stream of costumers had gone to a stop.

The boss comes out of his office and hands me a key, "Here Tezuka, you lock up today. I have to go home early for my daughter's birthday."

"Yeah boss."

He smiles, "Cheer up, both you and Echizen seem down lately. Well, I'll see you fellas tomorrow."

He leaves and I close the door behind him, flipping the sign to 'we're closed' while I was at it. I turn around and see Echizen watching me, he quickly looks somewhere else. I decide, now is my chance to tell him. We are alone, there wouldn't be any disturbance, and I've hurt him long enough.

"We can leave now right?" He walks towards the staff room.

"Wait. Echizen, wait."

He stops, "What?"

I walk towards him and stand in front of him, "I have something to tell you."

He looks up at me, his eyes full of hurt, "If it's something that'll upset me, I don't want to hear it."

I can't help myself; I lean in and kiss him. But unlike before, Echizen doesn't melt into it; he shoves me away with a face contorted with anger. "Can you stop doing that! I hate pity and I am not a play thing!"

Ugh, this idiot seriously angers me. I push him against a bookshelf, unable to control myself anymore. I corner him, an arm by each side of his head.

Echizen glares at me and I sigh, "Are you stupid? Why the heck would I kiss a GUY out of pity?"

His eyes widen, "But…"

I ball my hands into fists and force myself to say it, "I like you okay? Geez, how can you be so blind!"


	6. Magnetic

I cover my face with my hand, "I really can't believe I just blurted that." I move away from Echizen and slide down to the floor, heaving a huge sigh. "You are such a burden."

Echizen stays still from shock but after a few minutes I hear him laugh, "Tezuka, your ears are red."

I cover them, "I know, shut up."

He slides down to the floor and leans on the bookshelf across from me, "It's cute."

I look up to glare at him but instead am surprised by his liquid gold eyes. Really, how is it that this one kid has the power to make me angry and also make that anger disappear. I clean my glasses while I talk; it's just an excuse to avoid his eyes. "So…we like one another?"

"Jup."

I put my glasses on, "What are we going to do about it?

"Hm who knows, I'm new to this 'like' thing. Let's just go with the flow." Echizen moves closer to me…much closer. Before long, he is sitting on my lap with his face an inch from mine. I really can't follow him, but I can't deny that a part of me wants this. He takes my glasses off and smiles at me, "You should get contacts, you look better without your glasses."

"I'd rather not, I like my glasses."

He laughs and slides them to the side, "I figured as much."

I look at him, "So this is what you call, 'going with the flow'?"

Echizen smirks, "Is the flow too quick for a traditional guy like you?"

"No, it's just right." I wrap my arms around his thin waist; I never knew it could feel this amazing to embrace a person…much less a guy. He is warm, fits perfectly into my arms, and smells like vanilla. I wonder what Echizen would say if I told him what I am thinking, not that I ever would.

"Tezuka?"

I look up, "Hn?"

He points at my arms, "I have bones you know, and you're crushing them."

I let go of him, "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, "You don't have to let go, just don't kill me."

I wrap my arms loosely around his waist, "Hnn."

Echizen looks at me and blushes, "To think that a few weeks ago I was puffing smoke in your face and trying to make your life impossible."

"I didn't know you hated me that much. I just thought you were annoying, just like every other person in our school."

He eyes me suspiciously, "Except Fuji."

I sigh, "Fuji is a special case."

He pouts, how cute, "Special?"

"Not in that way, he can easily read me so he knows what and what not to do. Other people don't have Fuji's crazy powers, so I get annoyed by them. Simple as that."

He nods, "Oh, but that doesn't change that fact that he's targeting you."

I look at Echizen, "He has a boyfriend, this Saeki guy."

His eyes brighten up, "…that's nice to hear."

I pet his head, "what happened to that righteous act you put up in school? You are acting like a house pet."

Echizen shrugs, "Since its all an act, I drop it when it's inconvenient."

"So it's inconvenient right now? How?"

He leans in, his lips ghost over mine as if daring me to get closer. But before my own patience runs out, he closes the distance between us. The kiss starts off slow and gentle, sending tingling volts through my body. I wonder why people ever describe this feeling as butterflies. No, butterflies aren't this violently electrifying or forceful. This feeling is intoxicating; it makes us to want more. I slide my tongue into his mouth and am warmly greeted. Our tongues slowly dance with each other as I crush his body against mine. This impatience, this heat. Is this what I've been missing for so long, what I had thrown away? God would say it is great I had thrown out one of men's deadly sins, lust, but he didn't notice lust is something humans can't ever get rid of. We are just very good at hiding it and for me; it was hidden well under my frozen mask. Yet, it was so simple for Echizen to melt my mask and retrieve this forgotten lust of mine.

We separate, seconds before we pass out, and stare at each other. Echizen's cheeks are a rosy color and his breathing is irregular, seriously this guy is too attractive. He laughs, "for a 'traditional' guy, you get fired up pretty quickly."

"I guess so."

He leans forward, wrapping his arms around my neck and breathing lightly into my ear, "So…you want to do it?"

"You sure are blunt."

He laughs, "I can't help it; it's a habit."

"I would like to, but only if you are fine with it.

He sits up and looks at me seriously, "Wait…if we are both being considerate it means... Are you expecting me to be the uke?"

I blink, dumfounded, "I thought it was obvious you are going to be on the receiving end."

"Why?"

"Because of two reasons."

He raises an eyebrow, "And those are?"

"You are shorter and younger."

His eyes widen, "What? Those reasons are so invalid! I have more sex experience!"

"And I beat you in tennis, what else do you have for me to counter? If we keep arguing we won't get anywhere."

Echizen gets off of me and leans on the book shelve, "Fine then, we won't get anywhere."

"You are so stubborn."

"Back at you."

I look at him, "so this is going to be a test of patience and endurance?"

Echizen smirks, "I guess it will be."

I sigh and look up at the ceiling, "You should already know that you are going to lose."

He shrugs, "Maybe, but then again I just love making you angry. And I know that this is making you awfully irritated, especially since your buddy over there is a bit excited."

He's evil, pure evil. He's planning to use this against me, but I'm sure we are both in the same situation. I sigh and look at him, "There is no point denying it, so you shouldn't deny it either Echizen."

He smirks, "I'm not denying that I'm hard."

I rustle my hair, "The line between like and dislike sure is thin."

"Yeah, in just a few weeks our feelings went from one side of that line to the other."

I stand up and walk over to my glasses, putting them on, "Well, since this is going nowhere, I am going home."

Echizen laughs, "Gave up already?"

"It's useless to just sit around and wait until you change your mind, we can talk about it on Monday."

He walks towards me, "You sure are passive aggressive." He smirks and slides his hands down my chest, edging closer and closer to my groin. "Even I can tell your composure is crumbling, why not follow your instincts for once?"

I pull him closer, "Are you telling me all this was to get me to force myself on you?"

He smirks, "Pretty much, and because I like seeing you lose control."

I take off my glasses, "So you don't mind being on the receiving end?"

He smiles, "Not at all."

Those words are all it takes for me to release all the impatience and lust that had built up in the torturous moments from before. I kiss him passionately, my tongue covering every inch of his mouth. He happily accepts and his tongue plays with mine, battling for dominance. We gradually slide to the cold floor as we clumsily take off each other's shirts. Echizen lies on the floor, looking up at me with lust filled eyes.

I hesitate, "Are you sure? I do have some idea how to go about this…but I'll admit I haven't had as much experience as I should."

He smiles, "Just stop talking and go ahead."

I gently proceed, giving his neck butterfly kisses. I can't get out of my head the thought of devouring his body. His skin is so pale and doll like, prettier than any skin I've seen on a girl. I suck on his collarbone and softly bite it, leaving a light hickey. I guess the package of liking someone doesn't only include lust, it also includes possessive actions. I have the desire to make it obvious to people that he's taken, but I'll keep those thoughts to myself. I pinch one of his nipples and hear a weak "mmh" slip out of Echizen's lips. Is this what drive people to have sex? The want to hear the other person create those irresistible sounds, the want to feel them squirm under you? I know that, that is what is driving me; his soft moans and whimpers were like music to my ears. I chastise myself, I'm becoming a pervert.

I lick his taut bud while rolling the other one between my fingers. It is a simple action that strangely causes him a lot of pleasure. Is he sensitive? I slide my fingers towards his groin and hear his breath hitch as I remove the remainder of his clothing. It surprises me how enticing Echizen looks right now, completely naked, flushed cheeks, heavy panting, and his manhood standing proud. Absolutely irresistible, I can barely take my eyes off this sight.

He sighs, "Tezuka…stop staring at me."

"I won't." I decide to play with Echizen's length for the sole purpose of wanting to hear those musical moans he creates. As soon as my hand caresses the hot mass, his back arches and he lets out a ragged moan. Most guys are the same, they feel pleasure from the same spots and live at a fast pace. Unlike girls, we are mostly driven by instinct and pleasure. We can understand each other quite easily, without all the complications girls have to deal with. I move my hand up and down, as my pace increases, his moans get louder. I can now understand why people buy porn, this sight is truly exciting.

Echizen reaches for my hand, "S-stop, no more."

"No."

"Tezu-ah, mghh" I increase my pace; I just want him to be quiet so I can watch his extremely erotic expressions. Seriously, what has my mind become. With a final loud moan, Echizen throws his head back and comes in my hand. He lies on the floor, with his eyes closed while panting heavily.

He gives me an apologetic look, "I'm sorry."

I shake my head, "It has its uses."

I enter a cum covered digit into his entrance, he winces, "Mg, that's unconformable."

"Wait a while, you'll get used to it." If anyone would see this, they would think I'm a professional but I only found out how things work when I asked Fuji out of curiosity. Fuji seemed to enjoy describing it in full details in order to make me uncomfortable.

After a while I enter a second digit and get a very unhappy response, "Ngh-it hurts."

"That's natural."

"Well make it fell bet-ah, t-there."

"Here?" I hit the spot I had before and Echizen bites his lip to hold back a moan. Hm, this must be the "g-spot" that Fuji was talking about. I have to remember to thank him, but of course I won't tell him for what.

Echizen pounds himself onto my fingers, "T-that makes it better."

"I see." I add a third digit and his moans turn into winces again.

"Mnn, d-don't..h-hurts."

"I'm sorry, I have to." I gently thrust my fingers in and out of his entrance, being as gentle as I possibly could.

"h-hit it again."

"You sure are demanding, here?"

"Ah, hnn yeah."

He lets out quiet moans as I keep hitting his pleasure spot. Although I am doing this for his well being, this sure is a torturous task. My own manhood is starting to suffocate, yet I have to just sit here and watch his erotic expressions. I look at him, "Echizen?"

"Hn?"

"Can I proceed?"

He nods; obviously the foreplay wasn't proving to be enough, "Yeah."

I unzip my pants and let my length finally breathe, I see Echizen smirk, "What?"

"You're bigger than I thought, although attractive- that may be a problem."

"Yeah." I place his legs on my shoulders and position myself to enter him. I slowly start sliding in but immediately hear whimpers and groans.

"R-Relax a bit."

He clutches my leg, "I-I CAN'T."

I continue to gently enter, the heat and pleasure is almost unbearable. I have such a desire to fully thrust into him but I won't, I don't want to hurt him. And even though moving this slow is torturous; I completely stop when I see tears rolling down Echizen's cheeks.

My eyes widen, "Echizen…you're crying."

He covers his face with his arm, "o-obviously I'm crying! It hurts! What, do you want me to laugh?"

"Do you want me to stop?"

He moves his arm away, "No…I can take it, just remind me to kill the guy who invented anal sex"

I kiss him on the forehead, "I'm sorry."

He smiles weakly, "You are strangely gentle."

"I surprise even myself." I continue to enter, but now while playing with Echizen's length in order to subdue the pain. I finally fully enter and congratulate myself; I had used a humongous batch of patience and sheer self control.

After waiting a while to get used to it, Echizen nods, "you can move."

"Sorry, I can't hold back anymore."

"Wait, wh-AH, T-Tezuka n-not so, nghh, ah ahh."

Yeah, those three words are all it took for me to lose my self control. I continue to thrust into him, aiming for his pleasure spot. I am loosing myself to pleasure, my mind is blank, and all I can hear is the sweet moans coming from Echizen. His moans get louder, it seems he has totally forgotten about the pain and can only feel the pleasure. It's amazing how everything can be forgotten when you are overcome by lust and pleasure. It surely is addictive.

"Ah ngh T-Tezuka.."

"Yeah, I know." I increase my pace and Echizen rhythmically moves his hips to match my thrusts.

I lean down to take his lips; it's a passionate and sloppy kiss. Echizen wraps his arms around my neck, keeping me close to him. I could feel his hot pants against my neck, I am going insane. I nibble on his ear, licking and biting it gently.

"ah T-Tezuka, I c-cant.."

I am also reaching my limit, "Me too."

I pull all the way out and thrust back in with all my strength, making Echizen lose it. He moans loudly and comes onto his stomach. The contractions he made make me lose control as well and I fill him up with my own fluids. I lie next to him and stare at the ceiling as I try to catch my breath.

I turn to him, "Are you okay?"

He laughs, "I might need a wheelchair for a while."

I sigh, "I'm sorry I lost control…"

Echizen smirks, "It was nice; I enjoyed seeing your pleasure filled face."

"I can say the same to you. Well, I am going to get some wet paper towels from the staff room." I stand up, get my glasses, and go get the paper towels. The boss would kill us if he ever finds out we did this in his book store. I clean up the mess on the floor and help Echizen get his clothes back on.

He groans as he stands up, "my back side is killing me."

I swing his arm around my neck and help him walk, "I'm sorry."

He smiles, "Who would have thought Mr. Iceberg could be so aggressive yet gentle?"

"Surprising isn't it?" We get all our things, close the bookstore, and slowly walk towards Echizen's house.

"I feel like I am eighty with back problems."

"You walk like you are eighty as well."

He grumbles, "Well I'm sorry a CERTAIN someone POUNDED away without consideration."

I sigh, "For the thousandth time, I am sorry."

He opens his house door, "Yeah, its fine, I enjoyed it as well."

"So I'll see you Monday?"

The moon makes his smile glisten, "Yeah, if I can walk by then."

I give him a quick tap kiss, "Good night."

"Bye."

I walk down his steps but turn around to face him, "Oh I almost forgot. Do you want to meet my mom on Monday?"


	7. Colorful Days

Echizen's eyes widen, "To meet your mom?"

I nod, "Yes."

He waves his arms around, "Wait, wait, wait. I am fine with us dating but I never mentioned getting married!"

This guy doesn't fail to amaze me, I sigh, "When did I ever mention marriage?"

"Huh? That's what "come meet my mom" always hints at."

"Maybe in movies, with heterosexual couples, Echizen."

He laughs, "Oh, true."

I look at the floor, feeling a bit embarrassed, "I just want to show my mother I have friends so she can stop pestering me."

Echizen smirks, "So she is worried about how anti-social you are?"

"Yeah."

"Sure then, I'm fine with it. It won't hurt knowing more about you."

I silently look up at him and he smiles, "Well don't miss the last train, I'll see you Monday."

I nod, "I'll see you", and walk towards the train station. Unlike the after effects of last time I walked him home, I am filled with a strange excitement. The tingles of what happened a while ago are still racing through my body. His warmth still ghosts over me and my mind won't stop replaying his sweet moans. Of course I hid it from Echizen but I can't lie to myself, I enjoyed what we did maybe a little too much. But that's natural right? I am a high school student after all. I sigh and run my hand through my hair; I'm not a normal high school student though. These feelings aren't me, it's all foreign. I was proud to exclude myself from the perverted majority of men, but that line is blurring now.

I pay my fare and get on the train. The train is quiet and almost empty, great now I have nothing to detract myself from my perverted thoughts. I sit on a seat and read the advertisement to pass time. After arriving at my stop, I walk home and am greeted warmly by my mother.

"You are here quite late, overtime?"

I nod, its worrisome how good at lying I've become, "Yeah, we were doing inventory and it took a while."

She smiles, "Well I'll warm up your dinner. What do you want to drink?"

I sit down at the dinner table, "Water, is father still at work?"

She talks from the kitchen, "No, he is out to drink with the other employees"

"Oh, where is grandfather?"

"Sleeping, he said he wasn't feeling well."

I sigh, "He still hasn't gone to the doctor?"

She brings me my dinner, "He refuses; you know how stubborn he can be."

"Yeah I know. It's a trait I got from him."

She sits next to me, "I am worried Kunimitsu, he seems to be getting worse but he won't listen to anything I say. Even your father tried. You are the closest to him, why don't you try to talk to him?"

I nod, "I'll talk to him tomorrow while we play chess."

She smiles, "Thank you. How's the food?"

"Good as always." I swallow the food in my mouth, "Mother?"

She looks at me, "Yes?"

"Remember that friend I told you about, Fuji?"

She pouts, "Don't tell me you made him up!"

I shake my head, "No, he's real. I just wanted to tell you that you'll meet him later this week."

"Why? I thought you said I'll meet him soon?"

I sigh, the truth is I can bring both Echizen and Fuji on Monday, but I have a feeling having them meet my mother in the same day would be too much for me. "Mother, relax. You'll meet Echizen first."

Her eyes light up, "Your girlfriend?"

I almost want to say yes but of course I can't, "No, another friend of mine."

She claps, "You have two?"

"Yes."

She holds my hand, he eyes twinkling, "That's great! Only two though?"

"Mother…"

She laughs, "Fine, Fine. That's better than none."

I finish my dinner, "He's coming on Monday since we don't have work."

"Oh, why?"

"The boss is traveling with his family as a birthday present to his daughter. He isn't going to come back until Thursday."

"That means you have to bring Fuji before Thursday."

"Yes mother." I walk into the kitchen to wash my plate.

"What is Echizen like?"

I can't help but smile to myself, "Stubborn, silly, cocky, but a good person."

She walks into the kitchen, "He sounds like fun."

"He's interesting."

She puts her hand on my shoulder and asks me in a warm voice, "How's school? Are you okay?"

I dry my hands and look at her, "I'm fine mother; you know things like this don't bother me. I wasn't attached to my previous school anyhow."

She sighs, yes I got that habit from her, "Okay, just make sure to tell me if anything is bother you."

"I will."

"Well I am going to sleep." She gives me a kiss on the cheek, "Good night."

"Good night." My mother goes to her bedroom and leaves me in the dim kitchen to think to myself.

I sigh and pour myself more water; I was getting a headache worrying about Monday. My mom tends to be, you know, an embarrassing parent. She usually shows baby pictures and talks about how cute her son is. We are an odd family, but I guess we complete each other. I head to my room and sit on my bed, flipping to the bookmarked page of the fiction book I'm reading. After half an hour, I am only two lines ahead of where I started. I take off my glasses and rub the arch of my nose, concentrating truly is impossible when all your mind does is replay perverted events. After trying to read for another half hour, and failing, I give up and fall asleep. Only to be haunted by those thoughts in my dreams.

* * *

 

"Check."

I sigh and stare at the impossible situation in front of me. I have never beaten my grandfather and this is yet another loss for me. I move my king helplessly.

He nods his head, "Good move, but checkmate. It's still too early for you to beat me Kunimitsu."

I sigh, "It'll always be too early for me to beat you grandfather."

He sips his tea, "No, you'll do it one day."

I pack up the chess pieces and board, "I didn't see you last night grandfather, were you sleeping?" Of course I knew the answer already but I have to be subtle.

"Yes."

I sip my tea, "Why?"

"I wasn't feeling well."

I put down my cup and look at him, "Grandfather, have you not gone to the doctor yet?"

He grunts, "Why are all of you attacking me about that lately?"

I make my voice gentler, "It's because we are worried, at your age, heart pains can grow into something worse."

He crosses his arms, "Humans are meant to die; it's a matter of time before I do."

I grip my cup; it hurts me to hear him say that, "Grandfather…please"

He sighs, "Fine I will, if that makes you happy, Kunimitsu."

"Yes, it does."

He uses his cane to stand up, "Well, nice match. I am going to go accompany your mother, you have homework don't you?"

I stand up with the tea tray, "Yes."

"Well run along, I've kept you here long enough."

I go to the kitchen and wash the tea cups, placing them back in their place. I am also worried for my grandfather; he has gotten weaker in these past few months. Although he is still full of life, he used to be able to do so much more. We used to go fishing and camping together, but old age and other factors have made it impossible for him to do any of that. I go to my room and am able to concentrate on my work, unlike yesterday. I guess yesterday night's dream took care of all the leftover perverted though. Although I woke up flustered; my mind was clear. After finishing my homework, I start to read my book but am disturbed by a vibration. I rummage through my book bag and flip open my phone; it was a text from Echizen.

" _Tezuka, my backside will never be the same again."_

I shake my head; he sure likes the victim role. I reply with,  _"I'm sorry, but it takes two to tango-it isn't completely my fault."_

With a sigh, I put my book on my desk; I can see I won't be reading it for a while. My phone vibrates again, " _Yes, but it's not the other's fault when one is too into the tangoing! What are you doing now? Let me guess, you finished your homework and are reading?"_

I can almost hear him talking through the text,  _"I was doing exactly that, but not anymore. How about you? Are you drinking a can of grape ponta?"_ I bet he didn't notice I knew his obsession with that drink.

As expected, " _How do you know I like grape ponta?"_

" _It's obvious when you drink it every day at lunch."_

" _Hnn, so you watch me. That's interesting, I'm flattered."_

I think a while on how to respond to his text,  _"So now that you have distracted me for quite a while, are you satisfied?"_

" _Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow."_

" _Good night."_

" _Night."_  I look over our conversation for a while, and close the phone with a sigh. Is it bad that I don't hate little things like this? I take my glasses off and fall asleep, feeling very calm and strangely relaxed.

* * *

 

Fuji smiles at me, "So? Are you going to start talking?"

I change out of my tennis shirt; I didn't exactly want to tell Fuji what happened yesterday. Fuji stands up from the bench, "Well if you won't tell me I guess I'll just ask Echizen."

I grab his arm, "Don't."

He smiles sadistically, "So are you going to come through with your part of the deal?"

I sigh, "We never made a deal."

"My advice is expensive, and this is the price."

I run my hand through my hair, "I should have noticed how much of a sadist you are before I became your friend."

He laughs, "That hurts me Tezuka, are you regretting becoming my friend? You would have been lonely if you hadn't."

"No, I'm not regretting it."

He gives me an angelic smile, "So, are you going to tell me?"

"Why do you want to know so badly?"

He smirks, "Because I love your tortured expression. Oh, and I'm dying of curiosity."

"We had sex."

Fuji spits out his water and slowly turns to me, "what?"

I close my locker, "in the bookstore floor."

Fuji's smiles, "Not even I expected that kind of unexpected."

"We didn't either…we just went with the flow."

He laughs, "Your flow is more like rapid water, who suggested it?"

"Echizen."

Fuji smirks, "As expected. You topped of course?"

I could feel my cheeks warming up a bit, "Fuji…do you need to ask all these specific questions?

"Yes I do; so did you?"

"Yes he did and almost paralyzed me."

I look up, "Echizen, can you walk?"

He nods, "Yeah don't worry. I feel fine today." He opens his locker, "so Fuji convinced you into dishing out all the details?"

I sigh, "Yes."

Fuji smiles, "Me? I just asked him politely, we are friends after all. Why wouldn't he want to tell me?"

Echizen laughs, "You haven't changed much have you Fuji?"

"Nope, I think I might have gotten worse."

I push up my glasses, "So, Fuji, my mom wants to meet you. Since I am taking Echizen to meet her today, do you want to come over to my house Wednesday?"

He smiles, "Sounds fun, sure. But why does she want to meet us?"

Echizen smirks, "She's worried about her anti social son."

Fuji holds back a laugh, "Oh."

I sigh, "And this is the exact reason I didn't bring both of you to meet her today."

"I see. So what, are you guys together now?"

Echizen's blushes lightly, "Yeah…I guess."

He looks at me; I nod and look at Fuji, "We are."

Fuji leans forward, "Congrats, so shall we go on a double date?"

Echizen smiles, "Yes."

I shake my head, "No."

Echizen looks at me, "Why not?"

"Too embarrassing."

He smirks, "What is so embarrassing about going out with a group of friends? Well, that's how it appears to the public."

"…"

Fuji smiles, "So?"

I sigh, "Fine."

"So on Wednesday, after I go meet your mother, we can all have dinner.

Echizen closes his locker, "Sure. Is Saeki here to pick you up?"

Fuji smiles, "Yeah, he does it once in a while."

Echizen smirks, "What a happy couple, how many years has it been?"

"Hmm…we're in our 2nd year of high school, about three years."

My eyes widen, "Wow."

He picks up his things, "Well, he must be waiting; I'll see you guys tomorrow." Fuji walks out of the little shack with a bright smile.

I pick up my book bag, "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah."

We walk to the train station in silence but it isn't awkward in the least. I have a feeling we both know the other is thinking about what Fuji just said. Three years? We are in awe, how could a couple like them last that long. I won't deny that somewhere very deep in my heart, I believe it isn't possible for us. Neither of us have the confidence Fuji has, or at least the kind of confidence he has. I can't admit that I might be gay and I am sure Echizen cant either. I think the reason why Fuji and Saeki are still together is because they aren't afraid of people knowing their true colors, they are brave. We may not have it now, but will we develop that braveness?

"Tezuka?"

I snap out of my thoughts, "Yeah."

"At what stop are we getting off?"

I look at the stop we currently are in, "Oh, two more stops."

He gives me a concerned look, "Are you okay? You're spacing out."

"I'm fine."

He leans back on the seat, "So, is your mom anything like you? Because if she is, it'll be a while before she likes me."

I give him a little smile, "Don't worry, she's the opposite. I got my character from my grandfather."

He sighs, "She might actually like me then."

We get off the train and walk to my house. I unlock the front gate and we slowly walk inside. Echizen's eyes wander, looking at everything with interest.

"Wow, I see your family likes sticking to the traditional."

"Yeah, by my grandfather's request. But our house is more of a mix between traditional and western because my mother loves anything western. As you walk through the house you feel like you are crossing between two different worlds."

Echizen smiles, "Which side do you prefer?"

I open my house door, "I don't have a preference. I like some western things and also some traditional things. "

"Hmm."

I look around, "Mother?"

"In the kitchen!"

Echizen stands behind me and tugs at my shirt, "Okay, now I am getting nervous for no reason."

"Just act normal. Remember, we're just friends."

He nods and stands next to me, "Yeah, yeah."

We walk to the kitchen, "Mother, this is Echizen."

She looks up and her eyes widen, "But Kunimitsu, you lied! Who knew you'd bring such a beautiful girl home."

I sigh, "Mother…"

She looks at me with a confused look on her face, "What?"

Echizen smiles, "I'm a guy…"

Her face flushes bright red and she slightly bows, "I am so sorry Echizen-kun."

He shakes his head, "It's all right, I get that all the time."

She walks closer to him, "I am so happy my handsome son has such a beautiful friend, you guys truly complement each other! Can I take a picture?"

I think one of my blood vessels might pop, "Mother."

She pouts, "Come on Kuni, just one. It's okay with you Echizen, right?"

"No."

Echizen laughs, "I'm fine with it Tezuka, let's take one."

I glare at him, he is enjoying my mother's behavior a bit too much, "…fine."

My mother gets her camera from the kitchen, "Okay, get together now."

"Were you planning to take one from the beginning?"

She smiles, "Of course Kunimitsu, it's the first friend you brought home!"

Echizen laughs, "Wow"

I walk away, "Okay, I don't feel like taking it anymore. Echizen, you can leave now."

He smiles and pulls me towards him, "Smile for the picture."

I have to endure more than ten pictures before my mother is satisfied. Echizen and her look through them in the digital camera and pick the one they like best. She claps happily, "I am going to take this picture to the studio and see if they can make me a few copies!"

"Mother, please don't."

She ignores me, "Well, back to the kitchen to make snacks."

"Do you need any help mother?"

She shakes her head, "its fine, you boys stay here and talk."

Echizen walks towards the kitchen, "No, we'd love to help. What are you making?"

She smiles, "Sugar cookies, one of Kunimitsu's favorite."

Echizen smirks at me, "Oh really?"

"Mother, can you refrain from talking so much about me?"

She takes out butter from the fridge, "Why? Echizen-kun is your friend, I'm sure he's interested."

"Yes Tezuka, I find it interesting."

I give up; Echizen and my mother are too much for me, "Mother do you want me to butter the pan?"

She nods, "Yes please. Echizen-kun, can you mix the batter please?"

"Okay."

I feel extremely tired; having my mom continuously talk about me took its toll. Echizen seemed to be sincerely interested in what she had to say, so I stopped complaining. My mom was only satisfied after talking to Echizen for another hour, even when she just talked through our whole baking session. She left us the platter of cookies on the table and rushed to one of her book club meetings.

Echizen sinks into the couch while nibbling on a cookie, "You are right, your mother is the complete opposite from you."

I sit next to him, "Yes, I think I have suffered enough embarrassment to last me a lifetime."

He laughs, "I like her and she's very entertaining. I can see where you get those few glimpses of spunk from."

I put my backhand on my forehead, "Yeah."

"Tezuka?"

I look at Echizen; he was suddenly serious, "Yes?"

He turns his body towards me, "…can I ask you something you might not want to answer?"

I sigh, I know what he's going to ask, "You can."

"What made you transfer to our school?"

I bring down my arm and look at it, "I had an incident in my tennis club."

Echizen's eyes fill with concern, "What kind of incident?"

"A teammate bashed my elbow, badly injuring it."


	8. Shadows

Echizen's eyes widen, "Bashed? Why?"

I sigh, "It's a long story…

"Don't worry, I have time."

I look up at the ceiling, "Ever since I remember, I've always been better at tennis than those around me. It may be because of my experience or just divine fortune, but that's always been the case. Because of that, I've used a handicap, my right hand, with a lot of my opponents in order to make the score more even. I was using my right hand in ranking tournaments and matches until my second year because I didn't want to embarrass my opponents. Well, one of my senpai's found out I am left handed and jumped to the conclusion that I was making fun of all of them. He got mad and used his racket to bash my left elbow. After I recovered, the doctor told me I can still play, but I can't go full out or I'll risk damaging my elbow forever."

Echizen gently caresses my arm, "And you obviously had to switch schools to avoid any more trouble."

I nod, "Yeah."

He pouts, "That's means you were going easy on me when we played each other."

"I'm sorry."

He sighs and lies on my lap, "Its fine, I'll just have to beat you when you can go full out."

"That's if you can."

He plays with my hand, "I can, just wait and see."

I look into his golden eyes that are hidden by silky strands of black hair, "Hn."

He smiles, "Your story made me think…"

"Of what?"

He closes his eyes and sighs, "If all of that would have never happened, I wouldn't have met you. So in a way, I'm grateful to those who bashed your elbow."

I stroke his head, lightly playing with his hair, "That sure is an optimistic way of putting things."

He opens his eyes, "You don't agree?"

"It's not that I don't agree it's just that I will never be grateful to them specifically. I think it was destined to happen, so it did."

He smirks, "Destiny, huh? It almost sounds poetic."

I bend down and gently kiss him, "mm."

He wraps his arms around my neck, keeping me close to him, "What was that for?"

"It went with the flow of the moment."

He smiles, "I see." He intertwines his fingers in my hair and kisses me a bit more aggressively, staring into my eyes as we separate. "Tezuka..."

"Hn?"

"Do you think we'll last as long as Fuji and Saeki?"

I sigh, "Do you want an honest answer?"

"Yeah."

I look into his eyes, "No."

He lets me go, covering his face with his arms, "I agree."

"We aren't brave enough, at least not now."

"I wonder if we will ever be…"

I run my hand through my hair, "If we come out of the closet and don't mind telling even the mail man, then our relationship might last as long as theirs."

I see Echizen faintly smile, "Impossible." But he never moves his arms away from his face.

Fuji gives my mom a charming smile, "I'm Fuji and this is my boyfriend, Saeki."

I choke on the sugar cookie I am eating, "I can't believe this…"

Echizen's eyes widen, "Fuji…"

We all watch my mother's expression but unexpectedly, she's acts like nothing is out of the ordinary. She smiles brightly, "What a good looking couple. Fuji, you make me feel inferior as a woman even though you are a man."

He laughs, "Thank you, but madam you don't have any reason to feel that way. I can see where Tezuka got his good looks from."

She blushes lightly, "My, My, your mother has taught you well Fuji."

I sigh, "…"

My mother looks at Saeki, "do you go to the same school as all of them?"

He shakes his head, "No, but my school is close by."

She smiles, "Even though you don't go to my son's school, become good friends with him, ne? He needs all the friends he can get."

"Mother…"

Saeki laughs, "Of course, Fuji has already told me a bit about him. I feel like we'll become good friends."

Echizen snickers, "Sure…"

"Please don't talk about me as if I'm not even in the room."

Fuji smirks, "Tezuka, it just shows how much your mother cares for you."

I look at my mother, "Yes, thank you mother, but I'd rather make friends on my own."

Echizen laughs, "We'll see how that works out."

My mom looks at Fuji, "How long have you and Saeki been dating?"

"We are childhood friends but we started dating three years ago."

She nods, "Wow, the younger generation sure is brave."

Fuji tilts his head to the side, "Does our relationship bother you?"

She laughs and shakes her head, "No, not at all. Love comes in all different forms, but I admire the pride you put in your relationship with each other. It's been a rocky path hasn't it?"

Saeki looks at Fuji and he nods, "Yes, very."

I glance at Echizen and our eyes lock, there is a slight shadow hovering over his golden eyes. He looks away and starts talking to my mother. I sit quietly while the rest of them chat about the simplest of things. After an hour or so, we leave my house and walk towards Fuji's favorite steak restaurant. Of course we walk in pairs of two, the lovey dovey couple in the front while Echizen and I awkwardly follow them.

I lean forward and whisper, "Can you stop acting like a couple…people are staring. We are supposed to be a group of friends going to dinner together, remember?"

Fuji laughs, "Okay okay, we'll tone it down."

Saeki smiles, "Yeah, sorry."

We walk into the restaurant, Fuji asks for a table, and the waitress guides us towards the back. I look around approvingly; the restaurant is elegant and quiet. Instead of chairs, it is set up in cubicles so that the people eating can have more privacy. With beautiful chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, the whole place has a peaceful and romantic feel to it. I sit across from Echizen and Fuji sits next to me, across from Saeki. Echizen hands me a menu and I take it, quickly glancing over it.

Echizen looks at me, Saeki and Fuji, "Are you guys ready?"

We nod and Fuji presses the service button. The waitress hurries over to our table and takes out her notepad to jot down what we want.

Fuji smiles, "I would like the steak salad and water."

Saeki looks up, "Um, the same please."

"A steak with anchovy sauce and an iced tea."

"And I would like the steak of the day with a grape ponta."

"It will arrive shortly", she nods and quickly walks away.

Fuji sighs and shakes his head, "I didn't want to mention it before because I thought I should mind my business but we are all friends, right?"

Echizen looks at Fuji, "Yeah…"

"So I'll get to the point then. There is something in your behavior that you guys have forgotten to fix."

"And that is?"

Fuji smiles, "Okay I'll show you." He looks at Saeki, "Koujiro, can you pass me the salt?"

Saeki laughs, "Of course Syusuke."

Fuji looks at us again, "…you get it?"

I sigh, "how is calling each other by first name of any importance?"

Fuji groans, "I knew you would say something like that."

Soseki smiles, "Its important Tezuka. It shows how close you are and aside from family, you are the only one that would call him by his first name."

Echizen laughs stiffly, "There is no point in trying to convince him."

I notice the slight shadow over Echizen's eyes again, "No I'm convinced; why don't we try it?"

Fuji laughs, "That was easy, what happened?"

I look into Echizen's eyes, "Echizen seemed to have wanted to try."

Echizen laughs again, "Tezuka don't use me as-

"Ryouma…"

Echizen's smile drops and his eyes widen, glistening softly, "ku.."

His expression is worth all this effort, I smirk, "yeah?"

He blushes, "…Kunimitsu."

I'll admit that I was taken aback when Echizen said my name. Who knew that the plain name I was given at birth could sound so amazing when coming from one person's mouth. I take my glasses off and rub the bridge of my nose, trying to hide my surprise.

Echizen leans forward, "It annoys you doesn't it?"

I shake my head, "No, its fine…Ryouma."

He nods and leans against his chair, "nn."

Fuji laughs, "Echizen, he is just shocked by what he felt when you called him by his first name, don't worry. It was like that for us as well."

I glare at Fuji, "Can you stop speaking as if you can read my mind?"

Fuji smirks, "But I technically can."

Saeki smiles, "Syusuke stop putting Tezuka in the spotlight, he's getting annoyed."

The waitress comes with our food, "Your food." She gives everyone their corresponding meal and drink, and then excuses herself. The table turns quiet while we each try our food but Fuji breaks the silence.

"I was surprised how well your mom took Kojirou and my relationship."

I look up from my plate, "Yeah, I was even more surprised."

Fuji looks at Ryouma and then at me, "But it's good, if you guys would ever want to tell her…"

I clear my throat, "I don't think that'll-

"Impossible." Ryouma smirks, "Neither Te-Kunimitsu or I have the guts."

I look at Ryouma and see the shadow over his eyes; his strange behavior is starting to worry me. I take a sip of my iced tea, "Just like Ryouma said. It's very unlikely for us to tell our parents…any time soon."

Fuji smiles to himself, "Oh really now…hmm so that's how it is."

Saeki laughs and looks at Fuji, "does it remind you of anyone?"

Fuji sips his water, "Hn." He looks at me seriously, "Tezuka there is one tip I have for you, don't be oblivious please."

"What?"

He looks at Ryouma and then shakes his head, "No, nothing. You'll find out the hard way."

I sigh, "Your metaphors frustrate me so can we drop this topic?"

Ryouma finishes his meal, "This was fun you guys, we should go somewhere together again."

Saeki nods, "Yeah, maybe the movies or the amusement park."

Fuji smiles, "I think the amusement park is a great idea, let's go next weekend! You love roller coasters don't you Echizen?"

"Yeah." He looks at me, "Are you okay with these plans?"

I look at them with a blank face, "It's not like anything would change if I said no. Sure, let's go to the amusement park."

Ryouma smirks, "Have you given up your will to fight?"

"Yes, a Fuji and Ryouma combination is too much for me."

Fuji laughs, "Well we should leave; it's getting late."

Saeki hangs his arm around Fuji's neck, "Am I walking you home today?"

Fuji smiles, "Of course."

We split up the bill and walk out of the restaurant, each couple heading their own way. The moon lightens our path as I slowly walk Ryouma to his house. We are the only ones in the quiet street but we walk close to each other anyhow. Ryouma gently holds my hand and smiles at me.

"…we are outside."

He lets go of my hand, "There is no one around but since it bothers you…"

I sigh and intertwine my fingers with his, "Its fine."

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to." Even though he says that, his grasp on my hand becomes stronger.

I look at him, "I want to."

He laughs, "How blunt."

"You give me no other choice but to be blunt."

We arrive at his door and the looks for his keys, "Today was fun, I'm sorry that I forced it on you."

"I enjoyed it."

He smirks and opens the front door, "Kunimitsu…"

A heart string is pulled every time he says my name, "Yeah?"

He lightly leans against the door, "Did I tell you that my parents haven't been home for weeks?"

I lean a bit closer, "No, why does that matter though?"

Ryouma looks into my eyes, "Well, that means that I can invite you to… do homework, drink coffee, or something like that."

"Hmm, coffee?"

His eyes sparkles, "Do you want me to make you some?"

I slightly grin, "Yeah."

Ryouma laughs and pulls me inside, locking the door behind us. He captures my lips and I wrap my arms around him, pushing him against the closest wall. We awkwardly walk towards the living room, refusing to let go of each other. I push him onto his black couch and continue to devour ever inch of his mouth. We stop for air and I look into Ryouma's eyes which are brimming with lust. He runs his hand down my back and presses himself closer to me. I lean closer to take his lips again but I feel a vibration in my pant pocket. I ignore it and turn my attention to his delicate collar bone. I suck it gently, leaving a rosy colored love mark. Not before long, my phone vibrates again.

"Just pick it up Kunimitsu."

I sigh, "I'm sorry."

I take my phone out of my pocket and press the talk button, "Hello?"

"Kunimitsu…honey?" I can hear my mom's voice shaking on the other side of the line.

I sit up, "Yes mother, what's wrong?"

Her voice breaks into sobs, "It's your grandfather…he's in the hospital!"


	9. Pitfall

I tightly grip my cell phone and choke out words, "W-What?"

She tries to speak in between her sobs, _"…_ come now,the big hospital close to your school…he barely has…time left."

I feel my heart drop to my stomach, "…I'll be right there, bye." I close my cell phone and stand up from the couch.

Ryouma looks up at me with worried eyes, "You're pale, what happened?"

"My grandfather is in the hospital, my mother said he barely has time left…to live."

Ryouma's eyes turn liquid, "Kunimitsu…"

I look away, "I have to go to the hospital near our school, I'm sorry."

He jumps up from the couch, "I'll go with you…for support."

"You don't need to."

He grabs my hand and pulls me to the door, "But I want to."

My feelings for Ryouma grow stronger in the few moments we spend together before we reach the hospital. He senses my anxiety, so with his warm hand in mine, we run towards the hospital. In a lonely night like this one, there is no one outside to see us running hand in hand. His hand gives me comfort and eases the hole that is slowly forming inside me.

We walk to the waiting room and I rush towards my parents when I spot them, "Mother, father."

My mom looks up at me, her eyes red from crying, "Kunimitsu!" She jumps up and hugs me, burying her face in my shirt. I put my arms around my fragile mother and look at my father, whose usual stoic face is plagued with sorrow. After she calms down, I sit her next to me and look into her eyes, "What's wrong with grandfather?"

My mother shakes her head and stares at the floor, tears forming in her eyes, "H-He has been keeping his sickness from us…the doctor says its incurable."

My father holds her in his arms and looks at me, "The doctors didn't give us much information, but his heart has stopped working properly. The illness progressed much faster than the doctors had expected, and he's impossibly far from the top in the heart donation waiting list…"

I cover my face with my hands and whisper under my breath, "Dammit…dammit all..."

My father looks at me, "Who is the person standing over there, looking in our direction?"

I follow his eyes and spot Ryouma leaning on a wall, his eyes full with worry. I walk towards him and grab his arm, "its okay, come over."

He shakes his head, "I changed my mind, shouldn't be here; I'm out of place."

I look into his eyes, "I need you here."

Ryouma nods and quietly follows me. We stand in front of my parents and I look at my father, "This is Echizen Ryouma, one of my closest friends at school. He came here…to support me."

My father stands up slowly, as if his body has become heavy, "Thank you Echizen."

My mother looks up at Ryouma, "No, don't let your pretty face be ruined by such a sad expression."

Ryouma takes my mother's hands, the sympathy in his eyes tore at my heart; "…I'm sorry."

My mother nods, holding back the endless tears, "Thank you, this means a lot to us."

A doctor with thick black glasses approaches us, "the Tezuka family?"

I look at the doctor, "Yes, that's us. How's my grandfather?"

He lowers his eyes, "As you were told before, he doesn't have much time left. And because of the type of illness he has, his condition is only going to get worse. He himself knows this and doesn't want to put up with all the pain, so he has requested euthanasia."

I feel Ryouma hold my shoulder, "…euthanasia? Grandfather requested euthanasia?"

The doctor puts his hand's in his coat pocket, "Yes, I'm afraid so. But it is up to both the patient and the family to agree to go on with the process."

My mother shakes her head, "No, no we won't do it."

My father tightens his hold on her, "Honey…"

I ball my hands into fists, "Can we see him?

"Yes, we've stabilized him and he's awake, asking to see you all. Would you like me to take you to his room?"

I nod, "Yes please."

Ryouma steps back, "I'll wait here..."

My mother gives him a weak smile, "Since you are Kunimitsu's best friend then that makes you part of the family. You can see how I am now…I can't emotionally support Kunimitsu like this. I have my husband to lean on but Kunimitsu needs someone to lean on, even if he doesn't show it."

My father clears his throat, "And I'm sure it'll make my father happy to see that Kunimitsu made such a loyal friend."

Ryouma looks at all of us, "I understand, I'll go."

We follow the doctor up some stairs and down a long hallway. My parents walk ahead while Ryouma and I linger behind in silence. The feeling of wanting Ryouma's warmth but being unable to get it is killing me. I have a strong desire to pull him to a desolate corner and hug him. Ryouma's warmth gives me strength and makes me forget about the world, but in public I can't touch him. I am afraid. Afraid of what is going to happen to my facade once my grandfather…dies. Ryouma senses my distress and quickly brushes his hand past mine. He gives me a sad smile; his eyes have a strange gloss to them. Our eyes lock for a few moments and we share silent messages.

The doctor stops at a door, "We're here."

I look at the doctor, "Thank you." He nods and walks away.

My mom gently opens the door and rushes to my grandfather, "Oh father! How are you feeling?" My mom has the habit of calling my grandfather father even though he's her father in law. My mother had lost her parents when she was young so she became really attached to my grandfather.

"You always get emotional for the smallest of things."

My father's eyes grow darker, "This is not a small thing, father."

Tears brim my mother's eyes, "Why? Why did you request euthanasia? Have you given up on your life already?"

My grandfather smiles weakly, "If you are hoping for a miracle, it won't happen. Everyone one dies, it's this old man's turn to die now. I'd rather die quickly and peacefully. I don't want to die slowly while writhing in pain just to extend my life a few days."

My mother shakes her head, hiding her face with her hands, "We can't tell them to kill you!"

My grandfather sighs, "…it's the last thing I ask of you."

I walk closer to my grandfather, "Okay grandfather, we will agree with the process."

My father looks at me, "Kunimitsu?"

I sigh and give him a defeated smile, "You know stubborn he is…and he has the right to choose how he wants to leave this world."

My mother sinks to the floor, crying into the sheets of my grandfather's hospital bed. My father kneels down and whisper's gently into her ears. After a while, my father helps her stand up and they walk out of the room, leaving Ryouma and I with my grandfather.

My grandfather looks over at Ryouma, "that boy over there looks more distraught than you do Kunimitsu."

I laugh weakly, "I'm happy you haven't lost your sense of humor."

"Who is he?"

I pull Ryouma closer to the bed, "He's my best friend from school, Echizen Ryouma."

Ryouma lightly bows, "Nice to meet you."

My grandfather nods, "It's too bad these are the conditions we are meeting in. I'm happy Kunimitsu made a friend though, I was afraid that he never would. You know, he gets his bad habits from me. So I know he must be a handful."

Ryouma smiles gently, "Not at all, I think those habits are what drew me to him."

He laughs, "That's good. Hey, can you pass me the chessboard in that drawer?"

I shake my head, "Grandfather…"

"Come on, this is the last time you'll get to play with me."

The hole in my heart is getting bigger, "I wish you'd stop talking like that…"

Ryouma places the chessboard on a table near my grandfather. He pulls a chair for me to sit on, "Tezuka, just play with him."

I nod and sit down to arrange the board, "Grandfather…are you truly not scared of dying?"

He smiles, "Once you live as long as I do, you just wait for death to sweep you away."

I finish setting up the board like usual, black on my side and white on his, "Is there anything you regret?"

He moves his pawn, "Not at all, I lived a good life.

I stare at my grandfather, he is so pale that the white pieces seem to match his skin, "…I see."

The play quietly except for the few times my grandfather broke the silence to talk about something random. We talk about things like what I want to do in the future to what is happening in politics recently. He even asks Ryouma about his family and if they wouldn't be worried about him staying out so late. As the game progresses, my hope to win diminishes.

My grandfather moves his knight, "Check."

I move my rook at a last attempt to win, "Even in these conditions I can't outsmart you grandfather."

"Of course not", and moves his queen, "Checkmate."

I sigh contently, "I knew it was impossible."

My grandfather smiles, "You'd think that just because I'm dying, I'd let you win. But I want you to remember me as undefeatable."

I look into my grandfather's eyes, "I expected as much…and I'll always remember you as a strong man."

He looks over at Ryouma, "Take care of him, will you? Just like me, he's reckless at times."

Ryouma nods, "I will."

My grandfather lies down and looks at the ceiling, "I'm ready now; this game was the last thing on my list."

I grip the arm of my chair, "…so soon?"

He looks at me, "The pain has been getting worse since I woke up, Kunimitsu…it won't be long before I lose my senses."

My eyes linger on his, "…I'll go tell mother and father."

Ryouma and I leave the room; I feel my body getting heavier as I approach my parents. I see my father talking to the doctor while my mother stares at the floor. I walk up to them and clear my throat, it feels tight. "Mother…Father."

They look up at me and weakly say, "Yes?"

"…he wants to do the euthanasia right now."

My mother gives me a defeated nod, "Did anything happen while you were with him?"

"We played our last chess game."

My father fixes his glasses, "I see…that's the last thing he wanted to do."

The doctor looks at me, "Is there any other reason he wants to do it now?"

"Yes, he says the pain has been getting worse."

The doctor nods, "I see…well, I'll go get everything ready."

My mother tries to stand up but her legs give out. My father helps her up and wraps his arm around her waist. We walk to the room and stand in front of my grandfather's bed, looking down at him with sorrowful faces. The doctor and nurses stand on the other side, waiting for us to give our farewells before they administer the shots.

He gives us a sad smile, "I don't want the last thing I see in this world to be these sad faces, at least try to smile."

With tears streaming down her face, my mother gives my grandfather a kiss on the forehead, "I'll miss you so, so much…"

He cups her face, "You were always like a daughter to me, I'm happy my son married such a great woman."

She gives him a sad smile and nods, "Unn."

My father holds my grandfather's hand, "I'll miss working on the garden with you father."

He laughs, "Don't kill my bonsai trees."

My dad grins, "I'll take great care of them."

My grandfather holds out his hand to me, "Kunimitsu…"

I hold his cold, thin hand with both of mine, "Grandfather…"

He gives me a bright smile, "Make sure to grow up to be a great man! Always follow the path that your heart chooses even if it's a path full of obstacles. And don't let my death get you, I know how important you hold bonds you have with people and how much damage the loss of one can have on you. I give you my chess board, keep playing and getting better at chess."

It takes all my effort to smile, "I will…grandfather, I love you."

He looks at the doctor, "You can go ahead."

The doctor nods and tells the nurses to administer the shots. My grandfather closes his eyes and quietly whispers, "Thank you for everything." He smiles and we watch his body slowly fall deeper into the bed. He looks happy and at peace; we know that we have lost him.

I forget to breathe and quietly stare at the floor while listening to my mother's shrieks and my father's quiet sobs. Ryouma holds my arm and looks at me with liquid gold eyes. I blankly stare at him, my eyes are painfully dry. Finally when I remember to breathe, I feel something inside of me break.


	10. Lifeless

At that moment, something in me had broken. It's been days, no, weeks, or maybe months since my grandfather died. Yet every night, my mother's shrieks and my dad's sobs seep into my dreams, waking me up violently. I have lost track of time, my mind has been in a daze. I can feel it, I have changed. And the people around me have noticed it too, but they try their best to act as if nothing has happened. I see the worry in their eyes when they look at me but I can't help it, I don't know why I've become this way. It's as if I've become numb, I can't feel anything anymore. No matter how funny the joke was, or how good the food tasted, my face never changes. I know that over all I'm a stoic person, but I used to at least laugh and smile from time to time. But for some reason, I just can't anymore. No matter how much I try to make the worry leave my loved ones eyes, my efforts amount to nothing.

It's the worse when I am with Ryouma because I know he's the one most worried about me. Yet he gives me the sweetest smile and showers me with laughter. I know he's pushing himself but I can't do anything to make him stop, every time I bring it up he acts as if he doesn't hear me. I wonder if I'll ever go back to my former self. I want to, for Ryouma's sake, and for my family and friend's sake. I'm tired of seeing them look at me with worried eyes. But I'm afraid…afraid that the moment this numbness leaves my body, unfamiliar feelings will break through.

Ryouma lightly hits me on the head with a book, "Anyone home?"

I slowly turn my face to look at him, "Yeah."

His eyes freeze over, a coating of artificial happiness burying the worry and hurt, "Stop spacing out on the job Kunimitsu."

I nod, "Sorry."

He forces a laugh and passes me a few books, "I dislike shelving; it always gives me a headache. Too many numbers and labels…"

"Yeah."

He runs his hand through his hair and groans, "We have so many boxes left!" He walks over to a box in the middle of the aisle and takes out a few books, reading their labels carefully. "Hm…romance novels." He walks further down the aisle to place the book where it belongs. Even with his height, just an inch less than mine, he has to go on his tippy toes to reach. His shirt rides up, showing a silver of smooth and tempting skin. So tempting yet I don't feel even one of my facial muscles move and I continue to stare at him with the blank face he by now detests.

I finish the box by my feet, "Is there another box?"

Ryouma nods and walks towards the storage room. He comes back trying to avoid letting the heavy looking box in his hands fall to the floor. I take the box from him and my hand brushes against his. He lets down his defenses for a few seconds; raw emotions emitting from his eyes. He misses my touch; I haven't as much as put a finger on him since my grandfather's death. It's not my way of being sadistic; I just think he deserves so much more. I can't touch him in the state I'm in, who would want a kiss or a hug from a lifeless doll? Maybe I've lost hope? The last thing I want to do is stay like this forever, but if it comes to that, I won't hold Ryouma back. He deserves to be with someone that can give him warm smiles and meaningful conversations, and if I can't ever do that again, than I rather push him away.

He bites his lip and looks down at the floor as if talking to himself. I've seen him do this before, it's a way he calms down and gets himself into character. His silky black hair falls forward; the light highlights the slightly green hue to it. His hair rests messily by his ears, almost reaching his shoulders. His figure seems thinner than usual, has he lost weight? I just stand there and stare at every detail of the guy in front of me. Like how his shirt was the perfect size for him, just loosely wrapping around his thin torso. Or how the skinny jeans he was wearing were just tight enough to accentuate his hips but loose enough to avoid making his legs look extremely thin. After I take in all the little details, I return my attention to the bookshelf in front of me. I act as if I never noticed his reaction and continue to shelve the books from the new box he brought.

We hear the door of the store open and he rushes past me to welcome the costumer. I hear him walking up to the front and exchanging a few words with the person who just came in. I continue to shelve the books, indifferent to the fact that Ryouma has taken over my spot in the job. I don't deserve it, really. I don't have the charm or the energy to deal with costumers anymore. So I asked Ryouma to handle it and he accepted, agreeing that it was for the best. And honestly, he does a better job at it then I ever did. The smile that he gives the costumers pushes them to buy a book almost instantly. I love watching him work; he always has a warm aura around him.

"Kunimitsu?"

I look over my shoulder, "Yeah Ryouma?"

"Guess who came to visit!" Fuji pops out from behind Ryouma and gives me a bright smile.

I place the book I had in my hand in its spot, "Hey Fuji."

He lightly pats my shoulder, "Oh, SUCH a warm welcome."

I ignore his joke, "Hnn."

Ryouma takes the box from besides me, "Well, I'll continue doing this. Have fun eating with Fuji."

I look from Ryouma to Fuji, "Huh?"

Fuji wraps his arm around mine, "Come on, ne?"

"Why, I can just eat lunch here…"

Fuji's eyebrow twitches and his smile is strained, "Shut up and just come. I'll treat you."

I look at Ryouma and he smiles, "Just go, I'll be fine."

"Okay." I take off my work shirt and hang it on a chair. I follow Fuji outside and we walk to a nearby café in silence. We walk inside the dim café and take corner seats, facing each other. A waitress comes to attend us and I ask for a cappuccino and bagel. Fuji asks for a coke and a sandwich. The waitress leaves us and Fuji stares at me, making me feel uncomfortable.

"Yeah?"

He shakes his head, rubbing his temples, " I didn't want to talk to you about this, but I'm tired of it, we all are. I am tired of pretending as if I don't see something has changed."

I stare at my hands, "I know."

"Then fix it!" Fuji places a loose strand of his honey brown hair behind his ear.

I sigh, "I've tried…I try, it just doesn't work."

Fuji leans forward, "You're hurting him Tezuka…"

I ball my hands into fists, "I know."

"Just now when he went to greet me, his face was contorted into pain and worry. His care for you is causing him so much pain Tezuka."

"And I wish it wasn't…I wish he would care less about me. I see it in his eyes…the pain and worry he tries to hide from me."

"Are you hurting Tezuka? It's since your grandfather death that you've been like this…"

I take my order from the waitress that interrupts us, "Thank you." She leaves with a bow and continues to attend to other costumers.

I look at Fuji, "I don't know, believe me…if I knew how to fix this I would. But I don't, I just don't feel anything anymore. It's like the shock of my grandfather's death took me out of 'life'…and I don't know how to get back in."

Fuji sighs, "Well I hope that Ryouma leaving you isn't what shocks you back in."

"I know, but I'd rather he leave me than stay with this zombie version of my former self."

Fuji gives me a sad smile, "At least this is still the same; you are still as gentle as you always were."

"But I don't show him I still am…"

"Because you want to distance yourself from him since you think you'll be like this from now on? Why are you giving up so quickly? He won't leave you that easily you know."

"But he will get tired of me eventually…"

Fuji groans, "Geez! I want to punch you!"

I look at him, "Sorry."

"Look, just stop being cold to him. Recently you can't laugh or smile, but you should show him you still care."

I nod, "I'll try."

He glares at me, "No, you won't ' _try'_ you ' _will'_."

"Hnn."

Fuji sighs again and sips his coke, "Sorry that I'm being so pushy but being the middle man isn't easy you know. I can see how much pain each of you is in and it is starting to affect me."

"Thank you Fuji."

He gives me a gentle smile, "We're all friend aren't we? It's the least I can do…plus, Saeki wants to go out on a group date again once you are feeling better."

"Yeah, sounds good."

We quickly finish up our food in silence while my mind goes over what Fuji just said. We leave the café and part ways, Fuji has to meet up with Saeki like always. I slowly walk back, wondering to myself how to get rid of the numbness, this indifference towards the world. How long has it been since I've felt butterflies in my stomach or a spark inside of me. I can still admire things and think that they are beautiful, but that light, feathery feeling I used to get has disappeared. It's like my emotions don't reach my body, they stop at my head where the logic dissolves them. It's as if I know I'm feeling something, like desire, but I don't actually feel it. I hate this. It's like experiencing the world through a bubble, feeling the cool smooth surface but being unable to actually touch it. It's as if my laughter and happiness are being blocked by something stuck in my throat…and I can't reach out to Ryouma, because the numbness and fear pull me back.

When I enter the book store I see Ryouma fixing the display area. He gives me a bright smile but sadness still lines his eyes. I put on my work shirt and walk up to him.

"Is there anything else that has to be done?"

He shakes his head, "Not really. Boss just left for the day, he says we can close up when we feel like it."

"Hnn."

"The bookstore was unusually empty today, I wonder why…"

"Yeah."

"When do you want to close up? Do you have anything you need to do after this?"

"Anytime is fine, and no I don't."

He plays with the hem of his shirt, "Do you want to come over? It's been ages since we've really hanged out and I recently got a new movie."

Fuji's words slip into my mind and I agree, I should stop being cold to him, it's hurting both of us. "Yeah."

"Okay then, let's close up."

We lift up all the chairs and broom the floor. There wasn't much of a mess since barely anyone came today. We go to the staff room to take off our work shirts and get our book bags. I lock up the cash register and set up the alarm. We walk outside and lock the door, still able to hear the annoying beeping sound alarms make when you activate them.

We walk alongside each other, a thick air of awkwardness between us. This reminds me of when we first started liking each other, of the time before we got accustomed to each other's presence. I see the familiar street of his house, the street lamp giving it a gentle glow. A few people pass by us, meshing perfectly into the background. We climb the stairs and I stare at Ryouma's back as he takes his keys out of his pocket. The silver key chain I gave him shines in the light, the racket charm clinking against the door knob. He opens the door and turns on the light, heading towards the living room. I follow behind him, my hands shoved in my pockets. He turns on the TV and takes the movie out of its case, putting it in the DVD player. He does all of this in silence, not even bothering to say anything while I quietly sit on the couch. I wonder if he's gotten used to my silence. He takes the control and sits next to me, pressing play. We watch the movie for a few minutes but my mind starts drifting off.

Ryouma gets off the couch, "Want a drink?"

I look up at him, "Sure."

I hear him walk to his kitchen and open the fridge, "There is coke, ramune, and orange juice."

"Coke."

He walks back and hands me a coke, "Here."

"Thanks." I open it and take a sip. I mindlessly play with the sharp opening of the can while staring at the movie screen."

"Kunimitsu, I want-" Ryouma cuts himself off and stares at me, his eyes turn liquid.

I look at him, "Yeah?"

"…do you not feel pain anymore?"

"Huh?"

He runs his hand through his hair, "Your finger Kunimitsu! How can you just do that and not feel anything?"

I look down at my finger and notice that it's bleeding, a lot. I had continuously run my finger on the sharp opening of the can and it had cut my index finger pretty badly. It's weird though, I hadn't felt a thing.

I look at Ryouma, he was shaking and desperately trying to control himself, "Can you stop staring at me with that stupid look on your face?"

I look down at my hands and watch the blood on my finger slowly seep into my soda. He stands up and walks to the bathroom, returning with a first aid kit. He sits in front of me and takes the coke can away, placing it aside. He gently cleans my cut, his face tired of hiding the strong emotions inside of him. He wraps my finger and puts the first aid kit on the coffee table.

"Kunimitsu…"

I keep my eyes on my lap, "Hnn?"

He loses it, he jerks my face towards him so our eyes can meet, "Can you fucking look at me for once? TRULY look at me!"

I was shocked for a few moments yet awed by how he still retained his beauty, even when mad. The golden highlights of his eyes are sharper with anger and his eyebrows are furrowed. He lets go of my face and laughs bitterly, "Is this what I have to do to get that stupid blank look off your face? Scream?"

"Ryouma-

"DON'T!" He stands up and stares down at me, his anger mixed with sadness, "…don't say my name, not in the condition you are right now."

He bites his lip and runs his hand through his hair, "What…what do I have to do to get the old Kunimitsu back? The charming, serious, funny, and sexy Kunimitsu I was so attracted to? I've tried…tried SO hard to act normal in hope that someday you would change back, but no, you still haven't."

Ryouma kneels down in front of me, "Can't you see how painful it is for all of us to see you like this? How much this is affecting us?"

I look away, "…this numbness just doesn't go away, no matter how much I try. Ever since my grandfather died-

"Try harder!" He stands up again, his back to me, "I know Kunimitsu…trust me, I know how painful it was for all of you to lose him but your family has moved on. Your mother and father are smiling again, assured that your grandfather is somewhere wonderful and protecting you all." He turns to face me again, "But you…you are still stuck on that one moment. It would hurt your grandfather to see you like this."

"But-

He holds my shoulders and shakes me, "Wake up! Look around you; can't you see how many people you're hurting by acting like this? Focus on us Kunimitsu! Focus on the people that are still _alive_ and worried about you!"

I reach for his hand, "Ryouma."

He shakes his head and sinks to the floor, "…please, don't use my name now, not like this." Ryouma looks up at me, tears running down his face. I feel my heart tighten, I've never seen him cry aside from the first time we had sex. He is always happy and seems strong, but right now he is so weak and fragile. Have I caused this?

He looks into my eyes, "Why…why did it have to turn out like this? Why only me, it's not mutual right? Why has it gone past that petty feeling of like…?"

I feel my eyes widen, "what?"

He grabs his chest, "I love you Kunimitsu…so immensely that it's hurting me."

It was the first time I've heard the words 'I love you' from his mouth and unlike the disgust I feel when people use it so easily, I was entranced. Maybe it was the sincerity in his voice or the tears that made his face even more beautiful, but Ryouma moved something inside of me. I feel something snap back into place.


	11. Comfort

"Ryouma…"

He covers his face with his hands and brings his knees up close. I slide off the couch and slowly approach him, wrapping my arms around his thin body. He feels so fragile, as if he is going to break from the love and pain he's feeling. I try to pull his hands away from his face but he presses his face to his knees, hugging them tightly. This sight tugs at my heart strings, stretching them painfully. It reminds me of how young he is; how young we all are. The maturity he constantly puts on is now thrown aside to reveal a weaker and more naïve side to him. This side of him just adds more color to the palette, it's another thing to love about Ryouma. Yes, love…I wonder why I am so afraid to have those words leave my mouth. Why have I selfishly held them back, leaving Ryouma to suffer in what he thinks is unrequited love.

I lightly kiss Ryouma's exposed ear and whisper comforting words, "Ryouma…its mutual."

I hear a low mumble, "Stop lying you idiot."

I laugh lightly and I feel him jerk, "I am not lying and I am not an idiot."

He slowly lifts his face, exposing puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks, "Kunimitsu…you just la-

I capture his lips; my desire is controlling my every move. How long has it been since I have tasted these honey sweet lips. This desire is like a fire that has been building up deeply under the shell of numbness. But this shell that Ryouma has slowly chipped away cannot contain my desire any longer. The kiss is gentle at first but turns needy. Ryouma's hands make their way to my back and clutch my shirt with all their might. I lick his bottom lip and he happily opens his mouth. At first our tongues play with each other but it soon turns into a battle for dominance. Ryouma's tongue greedily explores my mouth, not leaving even a corner untouched. I wrap my tongue around his, lightly sucking on it.

We separate when we are in desperate need for air, our hot breaths fogging up my glasses. I take them off and place them beside the first aid kit. I pick up Ryouma and carry him to the couch, playfully throwing him on it. I hastily take off my shirt. He leans back on his elbows and stares at me, his eyes full of lust and lined with unshed glistening tears.

I cup his face and bring mine close to it, "I am sorry…"

He shakes his head, "Hush" and smashes his lips against mine, passionately kissing me. My hands roam under his shirt, appreciating the silky skin I haven't touched for so long. I lift up his shirt and my fingers come across a nipple, gently grazing the bud. He moans into our kiss, pulling his head back in pleasure when I roll the bud between my fingers. My other hand goes to the unattended bud while my mouth latches on to the one I was previously playing with.

Ryouma bites my shoulder and turns the pain into pleasure by sucking on it. He places butterfly kisses on my chest and nudges my bulge with his knee, making it very hard for me to focus on pleasuring him.

"Mmn…Ryouma."

He licks my ear lobe and places a kiss behind my ear, "Let me spoil you for once." His hands slip into my pants to play with my excited member.

My breath hitches, "Hng…"

He switches our positions, crawling on top of me, "It's been so long." He pulls my pants and underwear down enough to give him access to my member. He plays with the head, nipping it lightly with his nail.

"…tease." My voice is getting shaky and my breathing is becoming heavier.

He smiles, "someone is impatient" and takes my whole length into his mouth. I clutch his hair and bite my lip to hold back a moan. He bobs his head, letting his tongue run up and down my shaft. He grazes the head with his teeth, making me inhale sharply. He continues swirling his tongue around the head while pumping my length; it takes all my self control to stop myself from thrusting into his mouth. My brain starts blanking out as I approach climax.

"Ryouma…I'm almost.."

He smiles, "Come then." He engulfs my whole length again and it becomes too much for me, I release myself into his mouth. He swallows all of it and kisses me, letting me taste myself. We engage in another battle for dominance and I climb over him again as our kiss gets more heated. My hand travels to his backside, playing with his puckered entrance.

He pushes himself onto my finger, "aah…"

I thrust the finger into his entrance and twist it, making a moan escape Ryouma's mouth. I enter a second digit; by the way he's meeting the thrust of my fingers it seems that it doesn't feel uncomfortable or painful. I slide in a third digit and hit Ryouma's prostrate. He moans loudly and squirms around to try to find that spot again. I hit it once more and he shakes his head, "Hnn…more, this is not enough, I want you."

I have to admit that I'm at my limit, "Oh really?" I poke his entrance with my stiff length, making him bite his lip.

"Nng, come on."

I smirk, "No."

He groans, "Kunimitsu-AH!"

I don't let him finish his sentence. I slam into him with all my strength. His head snaps back and his nails dig into my shoulder. I don't let him recover his breath before I slam into him again. I have missed this feeling, the feeling of totally losing yourself to the pleasure. This electrifying current that surges through my veins every time I am this close to Ryouma is addicting. It's not until now that I've noticed how much I've missed it, how much my body has craved for it.

Ryouma wraps his arms around my neck, pressing his face to the crook of it. I feel him bite my neck, occasionally letting out load moans of pleasure. As we get closer to the edge, Ryouma starts meeting my thrusts. With every thrust, my length is swallowed up to the hilt by his eager hole. His voice is strained as his moans become louder and I can't help but add my own moans to this melody. With a final thrust he climaxes and I fill him up with my fluids. We fall back on the couch, panting heavily. We rest for a few minutes, listening to the beat of each other's hearts. I sit up and look at him, the afterglow of the amazing sex we just had makes him look even more beautiful. I get closer to him and let my lips ghost over his. He closes the distance between us, sliding closer to me. I let my hand run down his back and feel him shiver.

"…one more round?"I mumble into his lips.

He nods, "Hnn."

I gently help him off the couch and carry him bridal style to the closest room. He laughs as I push open the door, "What?"

"This is my parent's room."

"Where is your room then?" I start walking out but he stops me.

He smirks mischievously, "No, let's just do it here."

I smile, "You are wicked."

I walk over to the bed, the blue silky covers giving off a sensual aura. I lay him down softly, the cold bed sheets slide under our bodies. He pulls me down with a quick kiss on the lips before crawling on top of me. He runs his hands over my chest lovingly and I stare up at him. He looks so beautiful; the dim light makes a great contrast with his light, flawless skin. His hair is all rustled in a way that only looks good on him. The highlights of gold in his eyes spark with lust and a small smirk lines his face.

Ryouma positions himself over my member that is once more standing proudly. He bites his lip as he lowers himself onto it, unable to hold back low moans and whimpers. His entrance is still loose from our previous session so it makes this process sweet and easy. I place my hands on his hips and push him down, closing the distance between us. He moans and slides up to fall back onto my member. It takes him a few tries to find his prostrate but he does, speeding up the pace by a tiny bit. Overall, the pace stays slow and romantic, with him occasionally bending forward to give me a sloppy kiss. I feel myself reaching my limit and my hand goes to his length to help him come at the same time as me. Our pace quickens as I thrust up to meet his body every time he slams onto me. After a loud moan he comes onto my hand and chest. The contractions make me loose it as well and I climax, my mind turning blank for a few moments of bliss.

Ryouma falls forward from exhaustion and I bring the covers over us. We lay there for what seems to be eternity, looking into each other's eyes. I watch as his eyes turn back to a calm hazel, only glimpses of the previous lust are left. A smile graces his beautiful face and I bring my hand up to his cheek to caress it. He places his hand over mine, bringing it to his lips to place a kiss on it.

His voice is soft and cautious, "…you're back."

"I'm sorry it's been so long."

He shakes his head, "Its fine, I'm just happy you came back to me."

I move some hair away from his face, "…thank you."

"For what?"

"Thank you for loving me, for breaking the numbness that had imprisoned me for so long."

He pouts, "Loving you isn't something I just decided to do one day; it's pretty tedious you know?"

I laugh, "You can quit if it tires you out."

"No."

"Why not?"

His eyes meet mine again, "Because I have something I need to do."

"And that is?"

He gives me a bright smile, "Make you love me as much as I love you."

I place my forehead on his, "Idiot."

He puffs out his cheeks, "What?"

"You already accomplished that…a while ago."

His eyes turn liquid, "…really?"

I kiss his cheek and whisper into his ear, "Yeah, I was just afraid to admit it. You see, I'm not used to liking someone, much less loving them."

He punches me lightly in the chest, "You should have told me before! Geez, all those tears were shed for nothing."

I laugh, "Well with the way you were crying, I'm sure you are done crying for the year."

His tone changes, "Then what about you?"

My laugh stops short, "What about me?"

He gives me a gentle yet sad smile, "You can drop the façade Kunimitsu; I know you better than that."

I look away from him, "Ryouma…I'm not putting up a front."

He sighs and slides up, pressing my face close to his chest and placing his chin over my head, "You don't have to look at me and you don't have to feel ashamed or afraid. All I want you to do is stop acting strong; you don't have to act strong anymore. We've all noticed how gentle and caring you are. You push out all emotions in order to be people's pillar of support…but it's enough Kunimitsu. Your own system went too far this time; that state of numbness you were in before was caused by your façade going on autopilot."

My arms wrap around his small waist, clutching onto him for dear life. I feel a wave of emotions spilling from my heart like a cup that's been over filled. "Ryouma, I love you…so, so much."

He runs his hand through my hair, "I love you too Kunimitsu and that's why I don't want to see you like this. I want to get rid of the dark shadow that has taken over your gentle brown eyes. You can stop guarding your emotions from me; for once I want to be the one to support you."

I press him closer to me as I feel silent tears slide down my face. The last thing I say is 'I love you" before the pain that over takes me makes it too hard for me to speak. I just lay there, letting all the tears I have kept inside throughout the years spill out. It's a long time before I'm calm enough to fall asleep. As I drift off, the loving feeling of Ryouma's fingers in my hair and his comforting kisses follow me into my dreams. It's the first time in a while that I'm able to sleep in peace.


	12. Appearances

My eyes flutter open, still feeling slightly puffy from all the crying I had done last night. I have to admit that I feel embarrassed and ashamed of how out of character I have been. I never imagined the day that I totally put down my defenses would come, but I do not regret it one bit. I feel so complete in the arms of this sleeping beauty. I can still hear the comforting words he whispered in my ear last night, his soft touches still causing a strange tingling in my skin. I look up at him wondering to myself how a man could be so beautiful, both inside and outside. I slide up, changing our positions so I have him in my arms. I can feel it; the worst of the storm has passed. Now that the pain and tension is out of my system, I can return to my former self. Although I'll be my former self, I will not make the same stupid mistake of keeping everything bottled up. I now know I have someone to confide in, someone that accepts me, façade or not. And this that person is this man in my arms, Ryouma.

Ryouma nuzzles closer to me and I smile, kissing the top of his head, "Are you awake?"

"It depends, what time is it?" His voice is raspy from all the moaning he did yesterday, it is strangely arousing.

"Twelve."

"I'm awake then." He gives me a gentle kiss, smiling happily.

I sigh, "Do we have to get out of bed?"

He laughs, "That is a first; I am usually the lazy one."

I trace patterns on his bare shoulder, "Well, my body feels heavy and…"

He smirks, "No Kunimitsu, if we do it one more time I might break."

I sigh again, "Fine, you are right."

He looks into my eyes, his tone serious, "…are you okay now?"

I nod, "Yeah, I can move on."

He cups my cheek, "Remember you have me, you can lean on me whenever you are in a tough situation."

I take his hand and kiss it, "I know, thank you."

He smiles and sits up, "Well, we need to brush our teeth, shower and eat breakfast."

I prop myself up on my elbow and kiss his shoulder, "And will we be showering together?"

He moves away and smirks, "No, because I know you'll probably attack me in the shower."

I run my hand through my hair, "That's a possibility."

"That's why I am going ahead first and then making breakfast while you shower."

I smile, "You are making me breakfast?"

"Yeah, I am used to it since I am alone most of the time."

"Why don't you just wear an apron and nothing under?"

He hits me, "Kunimitsu! Get your head out of the gutter."

I laugh, "I can't help it; the images of last night are still running through my head."

He lightly blushes and covers his face, "It's the same with me."

I snake my arm around his waist and pull him back, against me, "Then why don't we do something about this."

"Do what?"

I nibble on his ear, "Let's replace the images of yesterday night with something else."

Ryouma turns around and captures my lips, starting a passionate kiss between us. He crawls on top of me, rubbing his naked body against mine while our kiss becomes more heated. He abruptly breaks the kiss and smirks down at me, "How about…no." He laughs, gets off the bed, and walks to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

I shake my head and talk to an empty room, "He is evil…"

* * *

 

After brushing my teeth and taking a long cold shower, I walk out of the bathroom. I put on my underwear and my jeans but remain topless because I feel too lazy to look for my shirt. I walk to the kitchen and lean on the refrigerator, watching Ryouma as he cooks. He seems to be making pancakes and is humming a song while moving his hips side to side. I bite my lip as my eyes travel up and down his body, why does this guy have to tempt me so much?

I wince, "Why Ryouma?"

He looks back at me, "What? Come sit, I am almost done making breakfast."

I walk over to the small table and sit down, facing him, "Do you not see anything wrong with what you are wearing?"

He looks down, "No. It's one of my favorite big t-shirts."

"Do you usually wear this when you are alone?"

He gives me a confused look, "Yeah…I don't see what's wrong with it."

I run my hand through my hair, "The problem is that you aren't wearing anything under it!"

He laughs, "Oh yeah, I like being comfortable when I'm at home."

I walk up to him and let my hands slide up his leg, "But it's so tempting…"

He gives me an evil glare, "Don't you dare. You can see that I am holding a VERY hot spatula in my hand, can't you?"

I nod and sit down again, "I wanted revenge for what you did to me before, but I guess I'll just let it go."

He laughs while giving me a plate of pancakes, "Haven't you gotten bold."

I give him a quick tap kiss, "You bring that out in me."

He smiles, "I'm glad I do." He goes to his refrigerator, "What do you want to drink?"

"Orange Juice."

He brings the juice, cups, and a plate a fruit to the table, "Do you want honey or maple syrup for your pancakes?"

"Maple syrup."

He brings the syrup and his own plate of pancakes to the table. He hands me a fork and knife, as well as the syrup. He takes a strawberry from the plate of fruit between us and silently nibbles on it. "This feels nice, peacefully eating breakfast and all. Very romantic."

I smile, "Yeah, it's nice."

He cuts a piece of his pancake and eats it, "What are we going to do for the rest of the day?"

I chew on a green grape, "I don't know; do you have any plans?"

"No, not really. Why don't we just bum around and watch a movie later?"

I nod, "Sure."

We finish eating in a blissful silence, sharing loving glances and smiles. I help Ryouma clean up the table and I dry the dishes after he washes them. As I stand there, waiting for Ryouma to pass me the last few pieces of silverware to dry, my eyes come across a calendar on the side of refrigerator facing us. Today's date had been circled and I look at Ryouma, curious as to why today is important.

"Ryouma..."

He hands me the remaining silverware and turns off the faucet, "Yeah?"

"Why is today circled on your calendar?"

His eyes follow mine, "Huh?"

I place the drying towel back in its place, "Yeah, it's circled."

He looks at me as he tries to think, "Hmm…what was it again."

I watch as his face contorts with realization, "…Ryouma?"

His voice is glazed with panic, "What time is it right now?"

I look at my watch, "It's ten minutes to two."

Both his hands go up to his head, "No, no, no, no...why today? FUCK!"

"What is wrong?"

He paces around the kitchen, too absorbed in his own thoughts to even notice I was talking. He fixes the chairs, the magnets on the refrigerator, every little thing that isn't perfect in the kitchen. He looks down at the floor as he talks to himself, "They said they'll get here at three…which gives me about an hour more or less. I think I can do it…"

I sigh, "Ryouma, can you tell me what's wrong?"

His head snaps up as if he just remembered that I am still here, "Yes...it's possible since you are here."

"What is?"

"Tidying up the house."

"Why?"

"My parents are going to get here in less than an hour and if this house isn't how they left it, all hell will break loose."

I nod, "Okay, I'll help. What do you need me to do?"

He places his hand on his chin, "Please take care of the living room. I'll clean my parent's room, my own, and the bathroom. It's not like there is much to do aside from vacuuming."

I nod, "Sure."

I walk to the living room as Ryouma runs to his parent's room. After what we did last night, I'm sure that room will give him the most trouble. I fluff up and arrange the couch pillows, taking the control from beneath one of the cushions and placing it neatly on the glass table. I take the soda cans and the first aid kit off the table, throwing out the cans and putting the kit back in the bathroom. I look for the vacuum and find it in the utilities closet in the hallway. After vacuuming the living room's rugged floor, I wipe the glass table and the television screen. I can easily do all of this since I often help my mother clean the house. The last thing I do is tidy up the photo frames before I go look for Ryouma to tell him that I am done.

I first walk into his parent's room, noticing he had changed to sheets to silky red ones but was not there. I continue to walk down the hallway and climb the stairs at the end of it. I am starting to notice how strangely huge this house is. I open the door with his name engraved on it and find him putting on a shirt. I lean on the door frame and watch him finish putting on his clothes. This style is a hundred and eighty degrees different from his normal style. He has a white short sleeved button up on with a navy blue vest on top of it. The only thing that was similar to what he usually wears is his dark skinny jeans, other than that, even his hair is different. He carefully combs it, getting rid of that organized messy style I love. He puts on some black thick framed glasses, which I have to admit he looks very good in.

"…why are you dressed like this?"

He looks up and smiles, "It's complicated." He throws me my shirt, "Here, put your shirt on. You have to leave before my parents get here."

I put on my shirt, "You don't want me to meet them?"

He shakes his head, "No, I don't want you to meet them. If I had the power, I would make sure you never meet them."

"…oh."

He laughs and gives me a quick kiss, "It's not you Kunimitsu; it's my parents. They are very…complicated, and unique.

I nod, "Yeah, I understand what you mean. It's like what I feel about my mother."

His eyes ice over for a split second, "…No, it's not the same. My parents-" Ryouma's sentence is cut off by the sound of the door bell, "FUCK. Now I can't get you out of here….damn, damn, damn!"

"That is your parents?"

He nods and looks at me, "Yeah, okay lets tidy you up a bit." He lets me borrow a tie and puts it on me while I tuck in my shirt. "I am happy you normally dress this way, I don't even know why you dress so formal every day."

"Is something wrong with the way I dress?"

He laughs, "Don't get offended, it comes in handy." He quickly combs through my hair, not changing much since I usually prefer a neat hairstyle.

We walk downstairs, "What is your excuse for me being here?"

He bites his lip, "You just came a few minutes ago to get back a book I took home by mistake."

I nod, "Okay."

He hands me a book from his bookshelf, "Are you good at lying?"

"I hate it, but yes I am."

He takes a deep breath, "Good. Okay stand by the couch and be as polite as you possibly can. And, be ready to get offended."

I nod, "Okay…I'll try my best."

He gives me a nervous smile and opens the door, "Welcome home!"

A woman in an expensive looking kimono walks in, followed by a man in a suit. A person who seems to be their chauffer carries in their luggage, placing them off to the side. The man excuses the chauffer and locks the door. The woman, which I am sure is Ryouma's mother, stops in front of him and looks him up and down.

She gives him a kiss on the cheek, "What took you so long to answer?"

"Sorry mother, I was upstairs. You are looking wonderful, what are you returning to Japan for?"

The man, who has a striking resemblance to Ryouma, pats him in the back, "Can't we just visit because we want to see our son?"

Ryouma laughs, "Yeah I suppose you can, but since there is always other reasons…"

Ryouma's mother looks up at him, "Why aren't you wearing the Chanel glasses I sent you?"

His smiles apologetically, "I am sorry mother, I am just so used to these that this is the first thing I grabbed this morning."

"Well once you get the chance, change immediately. Those glasses have been out of style for months now."

Her eyes travel down to his clothes, "And you are also aren't wearing the new set of clothes I sent you."

He holds his mother's hand, "Mother, I had barely worn this before you sent me a new set of clothes. I will wear the new clothes soon, I promise."

She sighs, "You just don't learn, do you? You have to dress your best every single moment; you are a representative of the name Echizen."

"Yes mother, I know."

For the first time, she notices my existence, "Who's he?"

Ryouma smiles and walks closer to me, "He is a friend from school; he was just passing by to retrieve his book that I took home by mistake."

His mother walks closer; she has an intimidating aura to her, "What is your name?"

I bow slightly, "My name is Tezuka Kunimitsu."

Her eyebrow arches, "the Tezuka family you say?"

"Yes."

She nods with approval, "That's good. They are a very traditional and refined family."

Ryouma's father laughs, "That brings back memories; I used to be good friends with your father."

"What are your grades like?"

Ryouma raises his voice, "Mother!"

She shrugs, "I just don't want you to be negatively influenced; you have to have smart friends."

"I am first in my grade and have A pluses in all my class. I also rival your son when it comes to tennis."

She smiles, "Very good. I approve of your friendship with my son then."

"Thank you."

She looks at Ryouma, "Were you just planning to let him leave without treating him to something? Your father and I are tired, make some tea and take him to your room to drink it."

Ryouma nods, "Yes mother."

Ryouma's father takes all the luggage and walks ahead to the room. Ryouma's mother looks around the living room and after being satisfied with how it is, walks to their room, closing the door behind her. Ryouma exhales as if he's been holding his breath this whole time and gives me a weak smile.

He grabs my hand and pulls me towards his room, "I have to talk you."

We reach his room and walk inside, locking the door behind us. He pulls me to the bed and tells me to lie down. I do what he told me and he lies down next to me, putting my arms around himself. We lay in silence for a while aside from Ryouma's efforts to control his breathing and clear his mind. We make eye contact and I look deep into the golden abyss of his eyes.

He gives me an innocent kiss and whispers "Kunimitsu" into my lips. After a while, he pulls back with a face full of worry. "I am not who I appear to be…"

 

 


	13. Unexpected

I continue to look into his eyes, confused as to what he means, "What?"

He sits up and hugs his knees, "I am not your average high school student who goes to school because he eventually has to pick a career. Or has a job because he has to save money for college."

"Then what are you?"

He looks at the wall, avoiding my eyes, "First I would like to say that I didn't mean to deceive you or anything. I just thought that telling you this was unnecessary and unimportant…"

I am getting impatient, "And…"

He takes a deep breath, "I am practically a millionaire and my parents own a huge trading company and I don't even have to go to school because my future is practically set for me and-

I cover his mouth before he has a chance to continue his slurred rambling. After he nod to show me that he is calm, I let my hand drop. I sit up and run my hand through my hair, "…are you serious?"

He bites his lip and nods, "…hnn."

"What is the name of the trading company?"

"…Nanko."

I almost jump out of the bed, "Nanko? THE Nanko trading company? One of the leading trading companies in all of Asia that has huge ties to America and Europe?"

The worried boy nods, "When it was in the hands of my grandfather it used to be called the Echizen trading company. But when it was passed over to my father and he married my mother, they took a part of each of their first names, Nanjiro and Rinko, to create a more modern name."

"…"

Ryouma looks down at his hands, "…and I had to beg my mother and father to let me go to school and work. They had planned on home schooling me with top notch professors but I said I wanted to live like a normal teenager would."

I put my hand over his, "Is that why you are able to attend our high school?"

"...yeah. And the only reason I can work at the book store is because the boss is a friend of my father's. If it wasn't for that and the fact that I convinced my parents that working would make me more mature, I would be stuck here every day, doing nothing."

I clear my throat, "How many people know about this?"

I feel him ball his hands into fists, "Fuji…and everyone in the school."

I sigh and move my hand away, "Why am I the only one who did not know this?"

"…because I didn't want you to treat me any differently." He plays with his fingers, "The reason why everyone in school knows is because my freshman year, this idiotic guy found out and decided to tell the whole school. Fuji found out when we were younger since he was my best friend."

I nod, "I see."

He turns to me, trying to read my expression, "Are you mad?"

I shake my head, "I am not mad, more like annoyed at the fact that you didn't tell me earlier. It doesn't change anything; it just gave me a shock."

His golden eyes glimmer, "…it's good that you aren't upset."

"Is there more?"

Ryouma flinches a bit, "Huh?"

I eye him suspiciously, "Is there more you haven't told me?"

He acts as if he's thinking and gives me a gentle smile, "No…I am pretty sure that is all."

Even though I feel like he's lying, I bury that feeling inside of me; he'll tell me when he's ready, "Okay."

"Also…"

"Yeah?"

"You already see what get up I had to get into to meet my parents."

"Yes."

He takes off his glasses, "Well, I'll be dressing like this for a while, until they leave back to America anyhow."

I smile, "Well, you look good in these clothes so it isn't a problem."

He smirks, "And..."

"…"

"Since they keep a tight watch on me while they are here, we can't really meet up or do…you know, our other activities."

I frown, "…really?"

He nods, "Sadly, just endure it for a bit Kunimitsu."

I sigh, "You really are living a double life…"

He smiles apologetically, "Yeah, I am sorry."

I pull him towards me and embrace him, "I am capable of waiting."

Ryouma laughs, "Are you sure?"

I groan, "Don't make it harder on me; stop teasing."

He wraps his thin arms around me, "But really…I am sorry I had to bring you into this mess."

I kiss his forehead, "Its fine, I just have to deal with it until they return to America right? So what if your life is complicated and a bit different from mine, it doesn't change my feelings for you."

I feel him clutch my shirt, "Hnn."

I looks down at him, "What's wrong?"

His golden eyes meet mine, "Nothing, I am just happy to have a boyfriend as supportive as you."

"Oh, Ryouma is getting sappy on me."

He hits me lightly, "You just killed the moment Kunimitsu."

I give him a gentle kiss on the lips and smile when we separate, "I didn't though."

His perfect smile shines in the light, "Oh you..."

"Ryouma!" We hear Ryouma's mother calling his name and Ryouma rolls his eyes, fixing his clothes. "I guess it's time to start acting again."

"Is she always this bad?"

He sighs, "Yeah but she's not a bad person. She's kind and a great mother but she's just…snobby sometimes. She puts herself above others because that's how she was raised to act. It's weird though, my father isn't anything like that. Sure he likes dressing in nice clothes and having nice cars, but he treats those less fortunate with the same respect as if he were talking to someone in his own economic class."

"Then why does she accept me?"

He puts on the Chanel glasses, "The only reason she doesn't talk down to you is because she respects families with a long tradition like yours. Since the Tezuka family is quite traditional and has a good reputation, she likes you."

I fix my shirt, "That's good, what would she have done if I didn't have that type of family?"

He sighs, "She would have done what she did to Fuji when I was younger."

My eyes widen a bit, "What did she do to Fuji?"

He laughs, "Nothing violent of course, my mother isn't like that. She just tried bribing his family and him so they could keep their distance. Of course with Fuji being the free soul that he is and having such a supportive family, he rejected the bribes because he wanted to continue to be my friend."

"How did that end?"

"She gave up on bribing him and just assigned me a body guard that kept us from seeing or talking to each other."

He combs his hair, "She just puts too much importance on appearances and society, she believes if I have friends that aren't up to her standards then that would make her look bad. "

"Then how is it that you guys were able to remain friends?"

He smiles, "I told her that I would hate her forever and run away from home if she did not leave us alone."

I laugh, "And she fell for that?"

He shrugs, "She has a soft spot for me; I am her only son after all. That is why she is so over protective."

I give him one last kiss before we open the room door and walk to the living room. His mother is sitting in the kitchen table, drinking water. She smiles at us and stands up, washing her cup. It is almost ironic how such a kind looking woman can have a personality like hers. She walks up to Ryouma and pats his cheek, nodding approvingly at his changed glasses.

She rest her hand on his shoulder, "We are going out to eat as a family; your father is waiting in the car."

I bow slightly, "Then I will be taking my leave."

She shakes her head, "Why don't we drive you to your house Tezuka-kun?"

"Oh no, it's okay."

She laughs, "Well, my husband wants to have a quick reunion with your father…and mother, so it would be a great excuse if you let us drive you."

I nod, "If it's like that, then please do."

"Okay then, let's go." She walks out the door, leaving Ryouma and I to lock up the house.

He sighs and slowly walks to the door, "...this is going to be a long day."

I caress his cheek, "It'll be fine."

He locks the door, "Yeah yeah, sure."

We sit in the back of a ridiculously shiny Jaguar, with its polished interior and shaded windows. I am sure that the car antenna alone is worth more than a house. I wonder where the chauffer went; does Ryouma's dad just dismiss him when he feels like driving? Ryouma gives me a few worried glances as we drive towards my home. Ryouma's parents are totally unaware of the awkwardness in the air since his father is humming a song and his mother is fixing her make -up. My back is starting to hurt from sitting up straight but I am too scared of the noise this damn squeaky seat might make if I lean back. Thankfully, we arrive at my house a few moments after the pains start hitting me and before Ryouma's mother has a chance to start up a conversation. I open the door, careful to avoid getting a scratch on it because if I did, I would be in debt for life. I walk ahead of everyone, holding the gate open for Ryouma and his parents and guiding them to the front door.

I open the door, "Mother, Father, I am home."

"I am in the kitchen Kunimitsu."

I look at Ryouma and his parents, "Come on in please." I guide them to the living room, "Please sit down; would you like anything to drink?"

Ryouma's mother smiles, "Water please."

Ryouma's dad shakes his head, "I am fine."

Ryouma smiles, "Ramune please."

I nod, "I'll go get the drinks and my parents."

I walk to the kitchen and find my mother baking something like usual. I peek, "What are you baking?"

She looks up at me, "Cheese cake. And do you think a text is enough to explain why you didn't come home yesterday?"

I give her an apologetic look, "I am sorry. Like I told you, I went to spend some time with Ryouma in his house and we both fell asleep after the movie. We didn't wake up until a while ago." It's become so easy to lie recently, its scaring me.

She gives me a suspicious look, "Are you sure you weren't at some girl's house?"

I shake my head, "Mother…"

She smiles, "Well its fine, I told your father a little white lie so you don't have to worry."

I kiss my mother on the cheek, "That is why I love you mother."

Her eyes shine, "Oh, aren't you affectionate recently? Why the change, you almost don't seem like yourself."

I take out our best cups, "I am myself, I was just positively influenced."

She raises an eyebrow, "By who?"

I pour the drinks, "You'll find out some other time."

She sighs, "Fine." She looks at me, "Who are those drinks for?"

"We have company; Ryouma and Ryouma's parents."

Her eyes widen, "Why didn't you tell me before!" She rushes to cover the cheesecake in strawberry glazing and cuts it into small pieces. She takes out a few matching plates and puts a piece in each one. After storing the rest of the cheese cake in the fridge, she washes her hands and takes off her apron.

She passes me the serving tray, "Here, serve them the drinks and the cheese cake while I tidy myself up and get your father in his study."

I nod, "Yes mother."

As I walk to the living room she quietly walks through the hallway leading towards the second floor, where my parent's room and my father's study are located. I set down the serving tray on the coffee table in the middle of the living room. I give each of them their drinks and suggest them to have cake.

"My mother made it; her cheese cake is always delicious."

Ryouma's father accepts, "If Ayana made it then I am sure it is."

It surprises me to hear my mother's first name from a man I barely know but I just shrug off the feeling and focus on how I would get Ryouma's mother to accept the cake. She gives me a gentle smile and tentatively accepts the cake, "…although I usually don't eat sweets, I'll make an exception."

Ryouma gladly takes the cheese cake, his fingers gently brushing past mine, "Thank you."

I hear footsteps coming closer, "Well, here come my parents."

My father is the first to walk in and his face lights up like I've never seen before. Ryouma's father and mine rush to embrace one another in a friendly hug. My father's rare laughter fills the room, mixed with Ryouma's father's jolly laugher.

Ryouma's father is the first to speak, "It's been so long Kuniharu! It's nice to see you are doing well!"

My father adjusts his glasses and smiles brightly, "You too Nanjiro."

I almost drop the tray in my hands; this is the Nanjiro my mother has talked about before? This is the man she almost married?


	14. The Past

I stare at the scene in front of me, still wondering how they are so friendly with each other. I am sure my father knows my mother almost married Nanjiro, yet they still act like the best of friends. Well, the whole issue was resolved peacefully, without any hard feelings. So it makes sense. I glance at Ryouma and he gives me a puzzled look. It seems that Nanjiro has not told him about his past, I wonder if I should tell him about it later. I shake my head and turn my attention back to my parents.

Nanjiro wraps his arm around his wife's waist, "And I guess this is the first time you meet her. This is my beautiful wife, Rinko."

My mother smiles, "She's a beauty."

Rinko slightly blushes, "Oh that's not true, you are the true beauty." She smiles, "my husband constantly talks about both of you."

My father smiles, "We often reminisce on old times as well. It's been so long since we've last seen each other, twenty years is it?

My mother excitedly claps her hands, "Let's bring out my old albums! I am sure Rinko wants to see what Nanjiro was like when he was younger!"

Nanjiro shakes his head, "Can we not do this, I am sure Kuniharu also does not want to see these albums."

My father fixes his glasses, "Ayana does this all the time so I am used to seeing these albums."

Nanjiro pouts; it is interesting seeing this older man act like such a child, "Kuniharu! Now I can't refuse, it is three against one!"

Ryouma clears his throat, "It is four against one since I am also interested."

We all laugh and Nanjiro looks at me, despair in his eyes, "Tezuka-kun…you are my last hope."

I fix my glasses, "Like father like son."

He sighs loudly, "Fine."

My mother laughs, "Okay, let me go get them." She quickly leaves the room, sparkling with excitement.

My father brings out his favorite wine and pours some into four glasses. He hands Nanjiro and Rinko each a glass. Nanjiro laughs, "I guess I'll have to ask the chauffer to come drive us home."

Rinko smiles, "Yeah, you should not have given him the rest of the day off just because you wanted to drive."

Nanjiro shrugs, "A man should drive his own car occasionally."

My father smiles, "I see that you are still living in ease."

Nanjiro nods, "Yeah, it is the same as always. But it is happiness that matters and it seems that we are equally wealthy when it comes to that."

My father nods, "I agree."

My mother returns, almost tripping at the foot of the door. My father steadies her and takes one of the albums from her hands. There are two albums, each about a hundred pages long. They outline most of my mother's high school and college life, which she spent being best friends with my father and Nanjiro. My parents place the first album, the high school edition, on the coffee table so that we could all crowd around it. The album's cover is beautifully decorated, gold and silver lines curving in intricate designs on a white background. My mother carefully turns the front cover to reveal a picture of a high school, beautifully surrounded by blooming sakura trees. We can see a thin girl with shining eyes, long brown hair, and an oval shaped face in the corner of the picture. The girl was beautiful and is still beautiful.

Rinko's eyes widen, "Wow, you really were a beauty back then as well."

My mother blushes and waves her hand around, "Oh no, I was average."

My mother continues to slowly and cautiously flip through the pictures. We see pictures of an auditorium, classroom, hallways, and the tennis courts. Then the pictures start showing kids, most likely her classmates. We all laugh when we see a boy making a silly face in one of her pictures. He is tan and has short black hair; his golden eyes are squinted because of the goofy smile he is making.

Rinko laughs, "Nanjiro was so cute back then."

Nanjiro clears his throat, "Okay, so I used to fool around a lot, but I was really popular with the girls."

My mother nods, "Yes, believe it or not, most of the girls in our class liked him.

My father sighs, "I never understood what they saw in him. He was always making a fool of himself."

Nanjiro smirks, "Maybe they liked the fact that I was approachable, unlike you, who would scare them away, you iceberg."

My mother laughs, "Oh, I remember that nickname! It's been so long since I last heard it." She turns the page and we see a boy sitting at a corner desk, staring out the window. He looks almost identical to me and has a stoic expression.

My mother smiles, "Like father like son, right?"

Ryouma nods, "The resemblance is striking, even their glasses are similar."

I sigh, "Do I always look that serious?"

Ryouma smirks, "…yes, most of the time."

My father smiles, "I couldn't help it; I was a lot more mature than other kids my age. It's not like I was always stoic, I would smile and laugh from time to time."

Nanjiro grins, "Especially after we became friends."

Ryouma looks at his father, "How did that happen anyhow? Your personalities don't seem to match at all."

My mother turns the page and there is a picture of the three of them. My mother is smiling brightly in the middle, Nanjiro is holding a peace sign and my father is looking off to the side with an annoyed look on his face. They are in a classroom with 'student council meeting' written in large letters on the chalk board.

I look at my mother, "You were all in the student council?"

My nods, "Yeah, it was through the council that we all became friends. Kuniharu and I volunteered to be in the student council; Nanjiro was forced to."

Nanjiro laughs, "They thought that being in the student council would have a positive effect on me."

My father sighs, "He was so lazy and useless at the beginning. We were always quarreling…"

Ryouma smiles, "That is how Tezuka and I started out. We could barely speak without arguing and being sarcastic. "

My mother laughs, "That is exactly how Nanjiro and Kuniharu would act. Nanjiro was the only person that could make Kuniharu mad. Usually Kuniharu's patience was limitless but not when it came to Nanjiro."

My father runs his hand through his light brown hair, "I guess we were like brothers, always arguing and annoying each other, but we sincerely cared for one another."

My mother sighs, "But they seriously would never stop arguing at the beginning. I would always have to calm them down so we could actually get work done."

Nanjiro smirks, "But after a month or two, Kuniharu softened up. Before, he would purposely avoid us but after some time, he started to join us for lunch and on weekends. I still remember the first time we heard him laugh."

"Nanjiro, please don't tell that sorry", my mother says with pleading eyes.

Nanjiro laughs, his eyes becoming two crescent moons, "No Ayana, it is a memorable moment. So, we were eating at a fast food restaurant and Ayana had just come back from getting her food. When she was about to sit down I pushed her chair back. She fell to the floor with a loud bang and everyone stared at her in silence. What surprised us the most was the small chuckle we heard from Kuniharu. Ayana stood up, forgetting her embarrassment, and gave him a big smile."

"They never let me live that down, they continued to try to make me laugh", my father sips his wine.

My mother smirks, patting my father's hand, "And we succeeded, many times."

Nanjiro sighs happily, "Those were good times."

My father nods, "Yes, they were."

My mother smiles, "I miss those days."

Rinko puts down her glass, laughing, "It is good that we met up. I haven't seen my husband this happy ever since he first found out we would have a boy."

Ryouma smiles, "I am happy to know that I was wanted."

My mother looks at me, her face looking younger from all the laughter, "Kunimitsu, why don't you take Ryouma to the garden or your room? We are just going to keep babbling on about old times and it will bore you."

I glance at Ryouma and nod, "Yeah, we will leave you guys to your reminiscing."

I stand up, carefully going around the coffee table and wait by the foot of the door for Ryouma. We give our parents a small bow and walk away. I walk ahead of Ryouma, guiding him towards the garden. We walk down a long hallway, passing pictures and paintings. Ryouma stops now and then to look at a family photo or a portrait of me. His musical laugh echoes off the quiet walls. I smile to myself and grab his hand. He squeezes my hand and lets me lead him. I open the dark brown wooden door to the garden, letting Ryouma pass in front of me.

Ryouma's eyes widen, "Wow, this garden is huge."

"Yeah, my grandfather built it because he loved plants. He really treasured this garden."

He looks at me, "Did he pass it down to your father?"

I nod, "Yeah and I help my father from time to time."

Ryouma twirls around, looking up at the sky, "This is beautiful."

I take his hand again and follow the garden's wavy path. The path is a worn out gray, decorated with tiny rocks. He stops at a white rose bush, gently holding a rose in his hand and leaning in to smell it.

He sighs happily, "I love white roses."

I smile, "They were my grandfather's favorite."

He swings our arms, "What is your favorite?"

"Chrysanthemums."

I pull him further down the path towards a flowerbed full with Chrysanthemums. I bend down and pick the biggest chrysanthemum, twirling it in my hand. I push some of Ryouma's hair behind his right ear and put the flower in his hair.

He chuckles, the moonlight bouncing off his eyes, making them shine beautifully, "I'm not a girl Kunimitsu."

"Not only girls look beautiful with a flower in their hair."

Ryouma smiles, "You are turning soft on me."

I fix my glasses, "So I've become a bit of a romantic, what is so wrong with that?"

He takes the flower out of his hair and stares at it, "It's just surprising sometimes…I like this side of you."

We keep walking, eventually reaching the end of the path. It opens up to an area showered by the moonlight. A light grey stone bench rests between two post-bloom sakura trees. Memories of my childhood spent on this bench, reading or studying, flow into my mind. I sit down on one side of the bench, patting the other side to invite Ryouma.

He sits down and laughs, "This mood is too romantic, I would swear it is a scene from a movie."

I grin, "My grandfather was also a romantic as you can see."

His laugh fills the air, adding to the pleasant feeling floating around. Our hands are intertwined against the cool surface of the bench. We sit in silence for a while, taking in the scene around us.

Ryouma bites his lip, "This might kill the natural flow of things, but let's kiss."

I laugh, "Yes, road kill."

He turns towards me, smirking, "But the flow was so slow."

I inch towards his face, "You are too impatient."

Ryouma captures my lips, nipping the bottom lip gently. He licks my lips, his tongue asking for permission to enter my mouth and I allow him, enjoying his assertive attitude. His arms wrap around my neck and bring me close to him. His tongue slowly tangos with mine, perfectly matching the romantic mood. We part and stare at each other, gentle smiles gracing our faces.

"You know we can be caught at any time, right?"

"It is fine; they are busy so they won't come."

"True."

I run my hand though my hair, "… I need to tell you something Ryouma."

"Yeah?"

"It's about our parent's pasts; have you heard anything from your dad?"

Ryouma gives me a puzzled look, "No, I haven't heard anything."

I sigh, "I usually would just leave it up to your dad to tell you when he feels the time is right, but I think you deserve to know. And you are old enough already."

He gives me his full attention, "And?'

I look down at my hands, "Well, you already know that my parents and your father were best friends."

"Yeah."

"… around the time they were in college, your father confessed his love to my mother. They went out for a few years and even got engaged."

Ryouma's jaw drops and eyes widen, "Really? Are you serious?"

I nod, "Yeah…but what your father didn't know is that my father had loved my mother ever since high school. My father hadn't said anything because he didn't want to damage their friendship."

"But how did it work out to what it is today?"

"Well, my mother had also developed feelings for my father along the way. She didn't break up with your father because she feared that he would resent her. And she also didn't want to break their friendship. But luckily, your father noticed before it was too late. He ended the engagement and urged that my parents be together. My mother said that his smile was bright and sincere; he didn't show even a hint of hatred. This is why they are such good friends; each of them was willing to jeopardize their own happiness in order to maintain their friendship."

Ryouma's lips forma tiny smile, "…that's amazing, I haven't heard any of this from my father. I only knew that he met my mom a bit after college and fell in love, getting married shortly after that."

I sigh, "All of their relationships are amazing…"

He nods, "I am envious."

"Hmm."

Ryouma looks at me, "Kunimitsu?"

We make eye contact, the gold in his eyes shining brilliantly, "Yes?"

"I need to-" he cuts himself short and shakes his head, "No, nothing."

My eyes linger on his facial expression, a mix between sorrow and indecisiveness. I look down at the rocky floor, "Hnn."

He forces a laugh, "This is awkward."

"Not really, just quiet."

His hand slips into mine, "I wonder how much longer our parents are going to take."

"Weren't you going out to eat with your parents?"

"Yeah and I'm hungry…"

I let go of his hand and stand up. "Wait here, I'll ask my parents to invite you and your parents to dinner. I am sure you all will love my mother's cooking."

Ryouma nods, a bit distracted by his thoughts, "Sure, I'll wait here."

I follow the garden path back to the house and walk towards the living room. The living room light drips into the dark hallway. I can hear Ryouma's mother speaking.

I catch a few words, "There were a few girls I was considering for Ryouma."

I take a few steps back and lean against the wall, intently listening to the conversation. I hear a glass being placed on the coffee table, "But recently I finally decided on the girl who would benefit us the most if she were to get married to Ryouma."


	15. Crushed

I close my eyes and ball my hands into fists, resting my head on the wall as I continue to listen to Rinko speak.

"Her name is Ayumi; she is the daughter of our most trusted secretary .She is beautiful, intelligent, and comes from a prestigious family line. She's the perfect candidate to marry my son in the future. We can only benefit from joining our family with Ayumi's."

I hear disgust in my mother's voice, "So this is how it's done in your world, does Ryouma know?"

"Yes, we have talked to him about arranging his marriage since he was young and recently we told him that Ayumi is the best candidate."

Deep in my heart I knew something like this was going to happen. Maybe it is the pessimistic side of me that was buried after I met Ryouma, but this side of me was restless-predicting this looming event. Deep inside me I have known all along that Ryouma and I cannot last but I've been blinding myself to the truth. And Ryouma has known all along; he plays along with this little fantasy world of ours, even though he knows reality is waiting at his doorstep. Why did he not tell me before? Why make the fool of me all this time just to end it when the news of his arranged marriage got out?

I need to calm down, I am sure my anger is clouding my thinking. Ryouma loves me, I should be confident of that by know. Especially after all we have been through together. So he has been keeping this a secret locked inside his heart, too afraid to let it out? Has he also been blinding himself? He is powerless against love but torn by the future set for him. Has he been waiting for the right time to tell me? Recently he has been very distracted by his thoughts; maybe he is preparing himself to tell me soon. I should wait. Yes, I should let him decide when the time is right and then we can work things out together. But aren't I being too optimistic? Is there really a way out of this situation…

I walk into the living room, slightly bowing by the door frame, "Excuse me."

My mother smiles, "Yes Kunimitsu?"

"I was just wondering if Ryouma and his family are going to stay for dinner."

Rinko shakes her head, "Oh, no. We can't burden you so much."

My mother gives her an assuring smile, "It's our pleasure; please have dinner with us."

My father nods, "Yes, we still have a lot to talk about. And my wife is an excellent cook."

Nanjiro laughs, "Maybe Ayana can teach you how to cook, Rinko."

Rinko hits him over the head, "…"

Nanjiro smiles, "I was just joking, honey."

I clear my throat, "So I'll tell Ryouma we are all eating together, then?"

My mother smiles, "Yes, tell him I will make dinner soon and to endure a bit longer."

I nod, "Yes."I give them a small bow and walk back towards the garden, my mind in a daze.

I follow the garden path to the bench, hardening my façade with every step I take. I know Ryouma will notice the change. But then again, he might be too distracted by his thoughts to notice. I'll be gentle and try to act as normal as possible so he won't feel afraid to tell me. When I reach the bench, Ryouma's warm and clouded hazel eyes meet mine. At this single moment, the worries in my heart feel heavier than before, as heavy as the clouds floating in Ryouma's eyes. I almost feel pity, for him and for myself. Do we really deserve all that life has thrown our way?

"My parents convinced your parents to stay over for dinner. My mother said to endure a bit longer; dinner will be ready soon."

He gives me a tiny smile, "Yeah I think I won't die of hunger, yet."

I take my place on the bench again, staring out into the long path we had to walk to get here. The path seems to lead to nowhere; the shadows of the night slowly hiding its starting point. As if it goes on forever, my horizon is filled with the worn out gray of the path. The only color is the red of the rose bush in the distance; so strong it over powers the weak white light the chrysanthemums give off.

Ryouma places his hand on my shoulder, "Are you okay? "

I look at him and smile, "I am fine. What about you? You seem a bit distracted recently."

Surprise floods his eyes but quickly drains out; he looks away from me, "I guess you can say that…"

My eyes travel back to the rose red in the distance, "Do you have anything you want to talk to me about?"

"Kun-" He cuts his sentence short and forces a small laugh, "It's nothing big, just a few problems with my parents. You know how they are right? It's the usual, you saw it this morning. Nothing important enough to talk about…"

It takes a huge amount of self control to stop myself from asking what about an arranged marriage is NOT important. But I don't; I just focused my anger, anxiety, and sadness on the hint of red in the never ending path of gray. "I see. Then if it's just that…"

Ryouma places his hand over mine, "Yeah, it is just that."

I turn to face him, "hnn.."

He smiles, that mischievous smile that always travels straight to my groin. He touches his forehead with mine, as if to tease me. The warmth of his flawless skin mixes with my own and we just sit there, staring into each other eyes. Somehow I feel that we both know the other is hiding something, yet we pretend that we don't. He slides his fingers between mine and I close the distance between us; this time was my loss. Our tongues don't tango or battle; they act like innocent children playing childish games. One peruses the other only to be perused back, sharing a sense of comfort and fake assurance. Ryouma's other hand clutches my shirt, almost as if to keep me close to him; as if I were going to disappear if he let go for even a second. And we sit there for an eternal amount of time, trying to heal our anxieties and fears with sweet kisses of hope.

"How long have you known, Fuji?"

Fuji sighs, "Well, I knew the day would come since we became friends. His parents, mostly his mother, had told him from very young that he would have an arranged marriage. But it's from you that I found out it is Ayumi he is going to get married to."

My mask was starting to crumble as a week passed by without Ryouma telling me anything. Fuji, who has the amazing ability to see through anyone, noticed. After much thinking, I decided to talk to him about the problem that is causing me so much anxiety. And that is how this conversation started.

I run my hand through my hair, "Why did he start this relationship if he knew all along! Why wait until we are this attached to one another and then suddenly cut our relationship?"

Fuji frowns, "It is not like he can control his feelings. I doubt he wanted to fall in love but it happened, and he decided to make the most of it while he had time to love. And-"

I look up at Fuji, his hair glimmering in the sunlight, "And?"

He puts a strand of loose hair behind his ear, "Maybe he has hope…hope that he can get out of this situation."

"…"

Fuji looks at me, his pacific oceans piercing me, "But he can't do it alone, Tezuka."

I give him a puzzled look, "And what can I do?"

He sighs and shakes his head, "And I thought you were smart."

"…Fuji."

The roof door opens and Ryouma walks through it, waving at us, "Hey you guys."

Fuji gathers his things and whispers to me, "Talk to him, now."

Ryouma stops in front of Fuji, "Where are you going?"

Fuji smiles, "I have to go ask my English teacher a few questions. I'll come back in a bit; there is still a lot of time until lunch period is over."

Ryouma nods, "Okay, see ya."

With that, Fuji leaves Ryouma and me alone. For a few moments the only thing that can be heard is the rustling of the nearby trees and the echoes of the door closing. I think he knows; he knows I am going to ask something he does not want to answer. And I am sure he knows that his answer is going to hurt me, hurt both of us. And why put one another through all this pain if we already know everything? But if we don't talk, we won't get anywhere.

He crushes an imaginary object under his bright red converses, "So…"

I walk over to the fence surrounding the roof and look out to the distance. I sigh into the pristine, midday air, "…you know the first time I ever saw you, I thought you would just be another annoying person I would have to deal with everyday."

I hear him laugh, but it sounds strained, "Oh, really?"

"But you ended up being even more annoying than the average person."

He takes a step closer to me, "Did that change?"

"No, you still annoy me…in a different kind of way."

"And which way is that?" By this time his arms are around my waist.

I close my eyes, savoring the warmth that might disappear in an instant, "I can't ever stop thinking about you…you even seep into my dreams."

His laugh tickles my ear, "Wow, you have really gone over the romantic line—you are just being cheesy now."

I groan, "Why do you find the need to kill the moment when I am trying to express my feelings to you? Can't you quietly appreciate what I say?"

He lets go of my waist and stands next to me, leaning on the gate as well, "But you don't need so many words to express that."

Our eyes meet, "I love you Ryouma."

He smiles, an almost sad smile, "…I love you too Kunimitsu."

My fingers grip the gate, "…then why do you look so damn sad?"

He looks up at the sky, searching for a better tomorrow, "Because I love you too much. I love the smiles that you only show me and I get jealous at the polite smiles you show others. I am possessive but I hide it, afraid that it would annoy you. I love the chill your eyes send through me every time we have sex and the strained way my name leaks out of your mouth. But I hate you...I hate you for making me love you and I hate to have to hate our love."

"Why…"

His eyes meet mine again and they can only express panic and destruction, "You know don't you? Who told you?"

I want to look away but his eyes have their hold on me, "I heard your mother talking about it last week."

"You've known all this time yet you pretended not to? You should have told me you knew!"

I grab his shirt, furious, "That should be my damn line! I was waiting for you to tell me, I trusted that you would tell me! But you weren't, were you? You have known all this time and you were going to keep it a secret for as long as you could, weren't you?"

He yanks my hands off of him, "Yes, I was! I knew perfectly well you can't do anything for me! I was going to keep on pretending life was perfect and using our love to forget about my problems. What is so wrong with that?"

"What is wrong with that? It is the fact that you are dragging my feelings into this mess, only to shatter them later. That is what I hate the most about relationships!"

He bites his lip, suddenly quieting down, "…then help me get out of this situation."

"How can I?" I am afraid of his answer; my heart has its guesses on what he is going to ask.

"Tell my parents that we love each other. Tell them that I can't marry someone I don't love, especially if it is a woman."

I hesitate and my heart contracts painfully, "I-I can't do that…I am not ready to admit something like that yet."

His hope is completely shredded and the light that so beautifully sparked his eyes weeks before shatters like broken glass. Cold tears of lost dreams and betray spill from his eyes. His anger, at the world and at me, replaces the shattered light with fiery red. His eyes only fill me with regret, sadness, and hatred towards myself. His trembling hand reaches up as if to slap me but it stops and instead carefully caresses my face. I open my eyes, which I had close before to prepare for pain. But I would have rather been slapped and hated than to see love still present in Ryouma's eyes. And he smiles, a smile only capable from a person whose heart has been torn in half. I just stare in disbelief, scared at the fact that I caused this; for how horrible does a man have to be in order to crush such a beautiful person.

"…now I know how far your so called love extends. It's so weak, so frail…it can't reach me." Ryouma wipes his eyes and glares at me, "Just know that I have always loved you, much more than you would ever love me. But I would rather break ties now while I still have a chance to recover my sanity…"

He turns his back towards me and I could feel my blood turn to ice, "We are over, Tezuka Kunimitsu."


	16. Aftershock

Ryouma walks away, and with every step he takes, the more my heart sinks. A million thoughts swim through my mind and my arm involuntarily reaches out for him; but he is too far for me to reach him. I stop and compose myself; I can't offer him what he wants in the state I am in. I don't have the courage he wants me to have; so I let him leave, possibly out of my life forever.

Fuji appears right as Ryouma is leaving, "Ryouma?"

Ryouma just ignores him and walks through the roof door, slamming it closed behind him. Fuji slowly walks up to me, a gentle frown on his face. "What happened?"

I punch the fence with all my might, too angry at myself to even feel the pain, "I don't know! Everything just…ended so quickly."

Fuji leans against the fence, looking up at the sky, "He asked you to tell his parents that you guys are going out, right?"

I look up at him, a bit surprised, "How did you know?"

He shrugs, "It wasn't hard to figure out. From a while ago, ever since the double date we had, I had noticed Ryouma wanted to be a bit more open about the relationship between you two. But he knew what you'd say, so he never asked. And he was upset because he thought you were ashamed of the relationship between you two."

"Ashamed? I have never been ashamed…"

Fuji's pacific oceans eyes pierce me, "Are you sure about that? If you weren't ashamed then you would have no problem telling the world that you love him."

I sigh and cover my face with my hands, "…I am just scared."

Fuji is taken aback, "Huh?"

"I am scared, scared of the consequences of us admitting our relationship. I don't know how my parents will take it and I don't know if their hearts are ready for another shock after my grandfather's death. I could care less what others think of me…I just don't want to hurt the people dear to me."

He sighs and pats my shoulder, "Well, you just hurt the person dearest to you."

"…I know."

"Think about it, you still have some time before…"

I look at him, "Before what?"

Fuji puts a loose strand of his honey brown hair behind his ear, "Soon, the two families are going to hold a ceremony to sign an agreement that legalizes the arranged marriage. The document will assure each family that when the children hit the right age, they will get married."

"What?"

He nods, "You have less time than you think, Tezuka.

I hit the fence again, "Damn."

Fuji gives me a bright smile, "In the end, I am sure you'll make the right choice." He pats my shoulder again and leaves me alone with my thoughts.

_I know I hurt him, and I hate myself for that- but I really can't scream out to the world that I am gay. If this world didn't include my parents, then I would do it, but I really don't want to upset my parents yet, not after all they have been trough. What? First grandfather dies and then they find out their son is gay, I am sure my father would fall ill. …but what should I do, I don't want to leave this situation like this. I can't live without- Was I really going to say that? Have I really fallen that far?_

I sigh and whisper to myself, "I'll just go to Ayumi and see what she thinks about this arranged marriage. Maybe if she is against it, we can come up with something together on how to stop this."

I walk down many flights of stairs and down a long hallway, stopping in front of my classroom. I walk inside and scan the room, looking for Ayumi or one of her friends. Ayumi is nowhere to be found but I spot the pigtail girl that is always next to her. I tap the somewhat short girl on the shoulder, and she turns around, a surprised look in her face.

"Do you know where Ayumi is?"

Her face is slightly flushed and she nods, "Y-Yeah, she is behind the school, close to the janitor's shack."

Her answer somewhat surprises me, "Really?"

"Yeah, she usually goes there after she finishes her lunch."

"Hmm, okay- thank you."

I walk down the hallway and to the first floor, leaving through the back exit of the school. I walk towards the left, seeing the bright blue janitors shack in the distance. Against the school building walls I see Ayumi, smoking while looking up at the sky. I walk up to her, clearing my throat as I get closer.

She jumps a bit and turns around, smiling, "Phew. I thought it was a teacher. Hey, Tezuka."

I sigh, "Why is such a pretty girl smoking? It's bad for you."

She gives me a radiant smile, "If I didn't know you better, I would think you were hitting on me."

"And why don't you?"

She shrugs and puts out her cigarette, "Somehow I get the vibe that you aren't really interested in girls."

I groan, "…"

Ayumi raises an eyebrow, "I am right ,aren't I?

I lean against the wall next to her, "Well, since I was eventually going to tell you, you saved me the effort. Yeah, I'm not really interested in girls."

A smirk decorates her pretty little face, "Meaning you swing the other way…"

I sigh, "Yes, I guess. I don't know! I have only 'swung the other way' for a certain guy and it has been a recent development, so I wouldn't know."

"And that guy is?"

I look at her, "Ryouma…"

Surprise floods her face, "Oh boy. Please let this not be some sort of shoujo manga situation."

I shake my head, "No, no, it isn't. Let me explain."

"Please do."

Somehow, her easygoing nature is calming—it's the first time I meet a girl that doesn't annoy me. I start my explanation, "So, Ryouma and I are-were dating since the beginning of this year. Well, things ended when I heard of the engagement because Ryouma says that the only way to end the engagement is for me to tell his parents that we are dating. But I can't do that…because of certain reasons. So he ended it…even though we are both so.."

"In love with each other?"

"…yeah."

She laughs, "Yes, I am sure I read a shoujo manga that went something like this."

"So I was wondering if you could help me…Do you have any idea how we can stop this engagement? You don't want to get engaged right?"

She plays with her silky brown hair, "I couldn't care less. I am not in love with anyone and I don't mind marrying Echizen."

"Why? Why are you so indifferent to all of this?"

Her dark green eyes look into mine, "Tezuka, let me fill you in on what kind of a girl I am. I smoke, I party, I drink, and I love to have sex."

"Wow, I can't see it." I have never met a girl like this…no wonder she doesn't annoy me. She is free spirited and indifferent to the world, someone I wouldn't mind being friends with.

She nods, "Yes, people who don't know me would never guess. And I am even more of a goodie two shoes with my parents."

I pass my hand through my hair, "You remind me of Ryouma…why do you live a double life?"

She smirks slyly, "Because of the money."

"The money?"

"Yeah, if I would act like my true self around my parents, they would probably disown me or something. I just act like a goodie two shoes so I can continue being supported by them and living a care free life. Without money I can't do what I want, like go clubbing or take art classes, so I try my best not to get my parents mad."

I sigh, finally getting how this is related to my problem, "So that means you won't go against the engagement because that would make your parents mad and eventually affect your freedom. Which also means you can't help me in any way that could directly be traced back to you."

She smiles, "Exactly, you catch on quick."

I rest my head on the wall, looking up at the sky, "This is hopeless…"

"Why do you need my help anyhow? Are you afraid to tell Echizen's parents that you both are gay?"

This girl's guessing skills are scary, "Yes, more or less."

"Well, you don't have much time to gather up your courage. The ceremony to legalize our arranged marriage is next week."

I feel myself sink even deeper into despair, "…I should just give up now."

Ayumi laughs, "Don't give up so easily. Why are you scared of telling Echizen's parents that you guys are dating?"

"Because Echizen's parents are my parent's close friends. And if my parents find out I am gay, they would be really shocked. Since my grandfather recently died, I am afraid that my being gay will be too much for them to bear."

"Why don't you give them a bit more credit than that? I am sure your parents are stronger than you think they are."

I look at her, "How do you know?"

She smirks, "My intuition, and I have a hella good one don't I?"

I can't help but smile, "Yeah, you do."

She nods proudly, "I know I do. And trust me, if you slowly ease your parents into the news—they will be fine. So instead of letting them find out through the grapevine, tell them before the ceremony. Then at the ceremony, you can announce your relationship with Ryouma without any worries."

"…"

She places a thin, graceful hand on my shoulder, "Tezuka, if you don't get your act together, you are going to lose someone very precious to you. Or am I wrong; is Ryouma not precious to you?"

"He is precious to me…I love him."

She smiles, "You see, that's all that matters in the end. Just get your courage from the feelings you have towards Ryouma."

I sigh, "But he hates me now…"

"Of course he hates you; you totally made it seem as if you didn't love him enough to stop this engagement. Total jerk move I may add."

"Ayumi, you aren't helping."

She laughs and pats me in the back, "Oh lighten up; I was just joking. If you continue to frown like that, you are going to get wrinkles Tezuka."

"I couldn't care less."

She pokes in between my eyebrows, "Here especially."

I pull her hand away from my face, "Ayumi, can you stop acting so friendly with me?"

She smirks, "No. You need all the friends you can get, especially since I can tell I don't annoy you like most people."

"…yeah, you are right about that."

"And I am sure you'd like me as a friend, especially since I may be the only way you will know what Echizen is thinking."

"Hm?"

"Echizen and I became friends since we found out about our engagement. We realized we are both in similar situations, and quickly warmed up to each other."

I nod, "So is that how you knew that I 'swing the other way'. Did Ryouma tell you we were dating?"

She shakes her head, "No, he never mentioned anything close to that."

"Oh."

She twirls a strand of her hair, "The point is, I can somewhat act like a messenger for you. I can tell you what Ryouma is thinking, and what kind of things he talks to me about. I can also convey your thoughts as if they were my own, so that he somewhat knows why you did what you did. This all seems kind of sneaky and bad, but it's all for a good cause." She smirks, "After all, the end defines the means, right?"


	17. Confession

"The end defines the means."

What Ayumi said has been haunting me for days. Did she mean that whatever I do to stop the ceremony is justified by the results of my actions? But what if Ryouma and I do not end up together? I have been burying myself into a hole thinking about these things for days but I have not done anything that will help my case.

I look at the calendar hanging above me work desk; the red circle surrounding tomorrows date seems to be taunting me. Tomorrow, Tuesday to be exact, at 6 pm, I will forever lose Ryouma unless I stop the ceremony. I run my hand through my hair, sighing heavily. I had decided to tell my mother about my relationship with Ryouma and leave it up to her to tell my dad since that way, he would receive the news more calmly. But, for the past few days I have not been able to build up the courage or get the right timing.

I sling my bag on my shoulder and adjust my glasses, "I will do it today, after I return from work…I have to."

I walk downstairs, give my mother a morning kiss, and tell her I do not want breakfast. I put on my shoes in the genkan and close the house door behind me, dreading what I will have to do once I return later today.

The sun is shining brightly and the sky is an impeccable blue, not at all matching my mood. Having plenty of time to spare, I slowly make my way to school. I spot a smiling brunette by the tall school gates and he waves at me, waiting for me to get closer.

He joins me as I walk into the school, "Good morning Tezuka."

"Good morning Fuji."

Fuji puts a strand of loose hair behind his ear and gives me a pitying look, "You'll get wrinkles if you continue to frown like that Tezu-chan."

I sigh, "Fuji, can you refrain from calling me that?"

He laughs and pokes between my eyebrows, "Then stop looking like the world is going to end today."

I mutter under my breath, "It will."

"Are you finally going to tell your parents about Ryouma?"

"Yeah, since it is the day before the ceremony, I have to tell them today."

He pats my back, "So you are going to announce everything tomorrow?"

I could feel my stomach churning, "Yes."

He gives me a sympathetic smile, "Be strong! Remind yourself what you will lose if you don't do this. And I will be there to support you guys, okay?"

I look at Fuji, "Yeah, thank you."

He smirks, "Well, hopefully your father does not kill you before tomorrow. Then it will all be for nothing, right?"

I groan, "Fuji…you are horrible."

He laughs and opens the classroom door, "I try my best."

We each sit in our corresponding desk and wait a few minutes for our teacher to come in. I watch the teacher go to the middle of the room and start her usual boring lessons. I cannot remember the last time I was actually interested in anything she had to say. Of course, I get good grades and pay attention most of the time, but she is a really boring teacher. Well, at least she was pretty and always tried her best. I really should start paying attention before she catches my off guard.

"Tezuka-kun, can you pass these out instead of day dreaming?"

I hear Fuji snicker and other students gasp. I stand up and take the hands outs, giving them to the whole class. Ryouma avoids eye contact when I place his hand out on his desk. I walk back to my desk and sit down, giving my teacher my fully undivided, and hopefully intimidating, attention.

Fuji talks with his chopsticks in his mouth, "So it's just us again…"

"Yes."

He leans against the roof's fence, "Ne, I miss Ryouma."

I sigh and close my bento box, "Fuji, hush."

The brunette leans forward and smirks, "Well if you fix all of this and do not get killed, it will be the three of us again."

I rub my temples, "Fuji, do you add unnecessary stress out of pure sadistic pleasure?"

"Yes."

"…"

He smiles, "But it's also so you can remember that you can't chicken out Tezuka."

"I will not 'chicken out' Fuji."

Fuji leans back again, "Hai Hai Tezu-chan."

The roof door opens and Ayumi walks towards us with a beautiful grace only she could really pull off. She sits down next to Fuji and crosses her legs Indian style despite the fact that she has a skirt on. She has visited me quite a few times this week so we are not surprised by her visit.

"What are guys talking about?"

Fuji smirks, "Tezu-chan's future death."

I glare at Fuji, this guy is driving me insane, "Fuji, I think our friendship has outlasted its lifespan."

Fuji laughs, "Ne don't be like that, you know you love me."

Ayumi smiles, "The best of friends as usual."

I sigh, "Hardly." I finish my orange juice, "So why are you here today Ayumi?"

She shrugs, "One, because I am bored. Two, to check up on you. Three, you update you on Echizen."

"Update me on Ryouma? Did something happen?"

She bites her lip, "Well…he kinda…has lost all hope in you.

Fuji's eyebrows furrow, "Ouch."

I look down at my hands, "As expected, I am surprised it took him this long."

Ayumi gives me a small smile, "Come on, don't look so defeated Tezuka. Why haven't you told him of your plans?"

"I guess it is out of fear…maybe. I do not want to jinx anything or count my chickens before they hatch. I also did not want to run back to him after what I did to him."

Fuji smiles, "Ah, I see. So you want to win back his trust and heart? Show him proof that you are serious? And that proof will be the announcement you'll make at tomorrow's ceremony?"

I nod, "Yes."

Ayumi stands up and dusts herself off, "Tezu-chan , you worry too much. Echizen is still crazy over you, so just get all this mess over with and you can be together again."

"Thank you Ayumi."

She turns around and walks away, "Yeah, yeah, my pleasure."

* * *

 

The boss walks out of his office and locks the door with a loud click. He looks at Ryouma and me, sighing at the almost sold tension in the air. He walks over to the register and pats me in the pack.

"Well, I am leaving early. It is my wife and I's anniversary today and she wants to do something special."

"Congratulations boss. "

He nods, "Thank you. Lock up for me okay? And I do not know what happened between you and Echizen, but you guys should resolve it soon. The tension might be scaring customers away."

I sigh, "Yes, we will try."

He looks over at Ryouma who is arranging the display, "You heard that Echizen?"

Ryouma looks up and smiles, "I am not deaf boss."

The boss sighs and walks to the door, "Well I'll leave things to you guys. Bye." The door closes behind him and the sound echoes throughout the quiet bookstore. And things stayed like that for a long time. We each do our jobs without exchanging a word or crossing paths. I, who used to call silence bliss, was slowly getting sick of this silence.

"We should close up."

I look up at Ryouma, surprised at hearing his voice, "….yeah."

He puts up the chairs on the tables and I close up the register. We head to the staff room, again in silence, and change out of our uniforms. I was on edge, curious to see if he would talk to me again. Truthfully, I really wanted to hear his voice.

We set up the alarm and walk out of the bookstore, locking the door. Since summer is approaching, it is unusually light outside. The street lamp blends against the light sky yet I notice it is flickering.

Ryouma suddenly laughs, "We will try you say…that is a joke."

His tone was bothering me, "Ryouma?"

His head snaps up and he gives me a fake smile, "That is Echizen to you."

My breath gets stuck in my throat and I could feel my face freeze, "Oh…sorry."

The fake hate in his eyes wavers for a bit, showing the love he so desperately is trying to hide, "…you have two choices."

My grip on my book bag strap tightens, "What are they?"

He looks down at the ground, "One, we act the way we acted when we met. Or two, we act like neither of us exists."

I shake my head, "Ryo-Echizen, you know I cannot do t-

"Tezuka!" It hurt to hear him say my name with such coldness.

"…"

He looks up at me, his eyes glossy with pain, "You made your choice, and now I made mine! I will erase all the feelings I have for you…it should have been like this from the beginning."

He starts to walk away but I grab his wrist, "Wait!"

He yanks his wrist away, "You have until tomorrow to tell me, or I'll just decide myself." Again he walks away and I find myself not being able to do anything.

* * *

 

"I am home" I close the door behind me and take off my shoes, neatly lining them up against the wall of the genkan.

My mom sticks her head out of the dining room entrance, "Welcome home Kunimitsu."

I give her a weak smile and walk into the dining room, "What did you cook today mother?"

She claps happily, "We are having yakisoba today! Your father's favorite."

"That's great; he'll need some cheering up tonight…"

She gives me a strange look, "Why do you say that Kunimitsu?"

I have to tell her now while I still have courage left in me, if I see my father I might lose it all. "Mother, I need to talk to you about some things."

She nods, "Do you want me to go get your father so we can talk about it together?"

I clear my throat, "…I think it will be easier if you talk to him after I talk to you. I think he will take it better if it is from you."

Worry fills her gentle eyes, "Kunimitsu, should I sit down for this?"

I nod and guide her to the couch, sitting down next to her, "How should I put this…"

She wraps her hands around one of my hands, "Listen Kunimitsu, just be truthful with me. You know that whatever it is, I will understand."

I sigh, "Ryouma and I…we were more than friends."

"M-more than friends?"

I look into her eyes, "We were lovers, mother."


	18. Mr. Announcer

My mother laughs lightly, "Wow, I wasn't expecting that."

I sigh, "I'm sorry."

She caresses my cheek, "That is nothing to be sorry about Kunimitsu. Love is still love, be it straight or gay and you are still my son no matter what your sexuality is."

"Thank you mother."

"But I'm concerned, why did you say you _were_ lovers? You aren't any longer?"

"…we had a big argument and he broke up with me."

"What was the argument about?"

"He wanted me to announce our relationship in an attempt to stop them from signing the contract tomorrow. But I told him I couldn't do it."

"And that made him think you don't love him enough to keep him from being snatched away."

I run my hand through my hair, "Yeah."

"And is he right?"

"No. I really do love him; I was just worried about telling you and father. I thought you two have been through enough after grandfather's death."

My mother gently holds my hand, "Kunimitsu, we are stronger than that. You should never put us before your own happiness."

"…I wonder how father is going to take it."

My mother sighs, "It'll take him some time to accept it but he will eventually."

I nod, "Well if you tell father tonight, everything will be set."

"Are you announcing your relationship tomorrow?"

I sigh, "Yes, I hope it all goes well."

She laughs, "You look like you are awaiting death."

"I'm worried about Ryouma's mother's reaction. I feel like Ryouma's father will be fine with our relationship but his mother won't."

She stands up, "It'll all work out, you'll see."

"What will work out?" My father's voice makes my mother jump a bit. He walks over to her and puts his arm around her waist.

My mother shakes her head, "Nothing." She grabs his hand and leads him towards his study, "I need to talk to you, Kuniharu."

I hear the door to my father's study close. I stand up, slowly making my way out of the living room and towards the garden. As I pass my father's study I hear my father's raised voice, he must know by now. I quicken my pace, sliding though the beautifully engraved door and taking in a big breath of the pristine night air. The garden is like herbal medicine; it calms and heals me, even if it's only for a short while. I walk along the worn out path; the last time I was here Ryouma and I were still going out. His warm hand was intertwined with mine and there were bright golden sparks in his eyes. Recently I haven't been able to steal a glance at his eyes; he's extremely good at avoiding me. But I know that the eyes that were so full of life before are now dull and tinted with sadness; all because of me.

I pull a chrysanthemum out of the flowerbed and walk towards the stone bench. I lay on it like I used to when I was a kid, the coldness of the surface seeping through the back of my shirt. I stare up at the night sky while twirling the chrysanthemum in my hand.

I sigh, "…grandfather, give me strength and luck."

I am not particularly religious but I do believe grandfather is in heaven looking down at us. He has always been, in a way, a source of strength for me and even after death I believe he can help me face tomorrow.

"Kunimitsu, dinner is ready!"

My mother's voice echoes though the garden. I take a deep breath to clear my head and gather my courage; I have to compose myself to face my father. I leave the chrysanthemum on the stone bench; the moonlight makes the petals look like shimmering pearls. I walk to the dining room and take my seat, across my father.

My mother pours me cold green tea, "Where were you? I checked your room and you weren't there."

"I was in the garden."

"Why?" My father takes a sip of his drink.

I look straight at him; my father dislikes it when someone looks away while talking to him, "No particular reason."

"It's a beautiful night isn't it?"

I nod, "Yes, it is."

We all say "itadakimasu" and eat our dinner in silence. The tension is palpable and my mother occasionally clears her throat to break the silence. After we finish eating, I help my mother bring the plates to the kitchen. She pushes me out, mumbling something about my father under her breath. I take the hint and look for my father. I see his study light on so I gently knock and wait for an "enter". As I walk in he puts down _Kokoro_ , his favorite book written by Soseki.

He clears his throat and takes off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose, "Sit down."

I sit down and look up at him, I'll probably look just like him when I'm older, "…"

"Your mother told me about your relationship with Echizen-kun."

"I asked her to."

He puts on his glasses, "I would have rather heard it from you."

"I thought that you would take it better if you heard it from mother."

He nods, "Well that's true."

"I'm sorry father."

My father sighs, "Kunimitsu don't apologize. Sure this is difficult for me but it's even more difficult for you."

"It is."

"Look, you are my son and I'll always be proud of you. It'll take some time for me to adjust but I will eventually."

I run my hand through my hair, "Thank you."

My father walks to my side and pats my back, "Good luck tomorrow, your mother and I will be there to support you."

"I'll need it."

* * *

 

Fuji smirks sinisterly, "Are you nervous?"

"Truthfully, yes."

"I can't wait to see your announcement."

"Why did Ryouma invite you? I don't need your laughter while my life is in danger."

Fuji rolls his eyes, "Trust me, Ryouma's mother is intimidating but she won't kill you."

"Somehow, I'm not so sure about that."

"Well, just as long as Ryouma intervenes you'll be fine. She won't do anything that will make her little boy hate her."

I sigh, "That's if Ryouma intervenes."

"He still loves you Tezuka, so stop worrying."

"Yeah, well I need to go home to change."

"See you."

Fuji and I split ways at the school gate and I walk to the train station.

* * *

 

The hall in which the ceremony is in is only a twenty minute drive away from my house. It's inside a tall glass building I never thought I'd get the chance to enter. An attendant guides us to the fifth floor, room B. The first thing I notice about the hall is that it's excessively big for a ceremony with only eleven people. My family and I are the last guests to arrive. I spot Fuji and Saeki by the food table and Ayumi and her parents taking to Ryouma and his parents.

My family and I walk to the two families and greet them. As expected, Ryouma stares at the marble floor the whole time. After greeting the families, I leave my parents talking to Ryouma's parents and slip towards the drink table. I decide to stay away from food since my stomach is churning enough as it is. I ask the waiter for sparking water which I receive in a champagne glass. I slowly sip it as I try to figure out how I'm going to make my announcement.

"You sure are thinking hard."

I look to my left and see the golden brown eyes I've missed. Although they are still dull, the tint of sadness is gentle and almost hidden. "Yeah, I am."

He smiles, "I'm sorry for my outburst yesterday, it was childish of me."

"No, I deserved it."

He sighs, "I need you to pick one of the options, please. Whichever you prefer but I need you to tell me now."

"It's because you don't want to sign the contract with false hopes, isn't it?"

His smile stiffens, "…exactly."

I gently pet his head, "Well you don't have to worry about false hopes." I give the waiter the glass and look into Ryouma's eyes, "And I don't pick either of those options."

I leave the confused Ryouma by himself and walk to the seat with my name plate on it. The seats were all facing a small podium and the table in which the contract was placed. They were clustered by families and other, Fuji and Saeki. After everyone settles down, Rinko walks to the podium. She was styling a beautiful kimono, as she supposedly does every day while in japan. This one was a mixture of red and gold with koi patterns.

She smiles, "Thank you everyone for coming to this small ceremony. I hope you enjoyed the food, drinks and small talk. But on to the purpose of this ceremony, we are here today to sign a contract between my family and the Suzuki family which promises that when Ryouma and Ayumi are old enough, they will get married."

She signals for the Suzuki family to come up to the table on which the contact is placed. We will now start the signing of the contact and then we can go back to enjoying ourselves." She steps down and joins the rest of her family and Ayumi's family by the table. First the Suzuki family signs; the father starts and Ayumi signs last. I can feel my palms sweat and my heartbeat quicken. If I didn't act now it would be too late.

I clear my throat and stand up, "Excuse me, I have something to say."

Fuji snickers, my mother gives me a gentle smile, Ryouma looks at me in curiosity, and the rest of the reactions I couldn't catch because the nerves seem to be making my vision fail.

Rinko glares at me, "Tezuka-kun, I thought that your parents taught you better."

Nanjiro winks at me and sports a wide smile, "Just let him talk, honey."

I clear my throat again, "This is difficult to talk about so I'll just get to the point. Ryouma can't ever get married to Ayumi because we are going out."

The only people's faces that dropped were Rinko's and Ayumi's parents. It seems that everyone else knows about our relationship. I wonder when Nanjiro found out.

Rinko rushes towards me, "Are you claiming my son is gay? You uneducated child, how dare you lie like that!"

My mother stands in front of me, "Do not call my son uneducated or a liar!"

My father holds my mother's arm, "Honey…"

Nanjiro laughs and walks towards his fuming wife, "Let's all calm down. Ryouma, why don't you speak?"

Ryouma walks to my side and slips his hand in mine. I gently squeeze his hand; it's been so long since I've touched him. His brown eyes are full of life and their golden sparks are directed at Rinko, "It's true, mother. I love Kunimitsu and I'm not signing that contract."

Ryouma puts his hand behind my head and our lips meet for a brief yet sweet moment that sends tingling bolts through my body. He breaks the kiss and gives everyone a big smile, "We'll see you all later." He winks at Ayumi, "I'll give you the pleasure of ripping up the contract."

Ryouma pulls my hand and we run out of the room. We continue running a few blocks, for no real reason but the adrenaline rush, and stop by a park gate when we can no longer breathe. He smirks and backs me up against the gate. His lips ghost over mine and I close the distance, wrapping my arms around his waist. I slip my tongue into his mouth and we start the battle for dominance that I've been yearning for. We break the kiss after running out of air and continue walking hand in hand, ignoring people's strange looks.

Ryouma laughs, "We are so cheesy; running away from everything and walking into the sunset."

"This is all your idea."

"Says Mr. Worst announcer in the world."

I smirk, "Yeah, I'm sure I could have executed that more gracefully."

"…but thank you."

"I couldn't let you be snatched away, now could I?"

"I'll be in your care; after all I'm sure my mother will disinherit me."

"I doubt that."

"You have a lot of work cut out for you. You're the only reason I can never be forced into an arranged marriage by my mother."

"So all I have to do is be your lover until she leaves you alone?"

Ryouma nods, his eyes glistening in the setting sun, "Pretty much."

I bring him closer and give him a gentle kiss on the forehead, "My pleasure."

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is actually from 2010 (hint: I'm a better writer now)


End file.
